Satan is prowling around. Don't stay isolated. Call out for help!

Be RESOLVED!

I was reading the Book of Daniel and thought I would share a little….

Daniel 1:8 -à But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine…

Let's change it a little (I think God won't mind!)-----> But Kevin (or your name) resolved not to defile himself with pornography (or whatever your secret traveling sin may be).

RESOLVED is a strong word, and if you were asked if you have strong resolve, you would most likely say yes. But when it comes to the secret sin, your resolve isn't what it should be. It's weak. Daniel resolved himself not to eat the rich food from the kings table, he resolved himself to not sell out his beliefs and culture. If you were taken as a slave by another culture, would you be strong enough to resist? Think in terms of being a slave to your secret activities. It's not pleasant. Pleasing God means obedience. Obedience means discipline. Discipline means hard work.

It is a daily battle. I know. Resist it and be obedient. RESOLVE yourself to not saying yes.

Don't let the lion steal your resolve.

Another Secret Sin...Found Out

Read the news this morning? Rick Pitino busted on his secret sin. This one is messy and really ties in well with my last post about dying while away.

Rick was being extorted for 10 million $$ by a woman he had sex with. Not just sex. sex in a restaurant, on a table, with his assistants close by. I know alot of you just thought to yourself "cool". But it's not cool.

The woman gets pregnant and Mr. Pitino gives her some cash, possibly for an abortion. Totally un-cool. Than the extortion for the cash. Again, not cool.

So Mr. Pitino potentially is throwing his career away. He DOES have an ethics and morality clause in his contract, you know.

Sexual Sin. Sexual Addiction. It is a growing problem and needs to be dealt with and fought.

Remember, Mr. Pitino got CAUGHT on this one, I wonder how many other women there are out there that have had relations with him.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Pitino has a heavy TRAVEL schedule. Alone on the road (or with his "assistants").

What if you died while on the road?

Does this scene look familiar? It is the remains of a car accident that killed 8 people. The driver of this SUV is accused of being drunk and high while driving. Her husband had a press conference and said his wife doesn't drink and doesn't smoke pot. A demolished bottle of vodka was found in the wreckage.

I know you are wondering what does this have to do with men who travel, pornography, and infidelity? A LOT! The question I pose to you is pretty simple…..if you were to die in your hotel room, what would your wife find out about you? Would the police find you knee deep in your sin and report this to your wife? Can you imagine her hearing the details and being in total denial, just like the husband of the driver of that SUV pictured above?

I know you think you are entitled to do what you do. You provide for the family, nobody knows you are hooked (and you plan on keeping it that way!), and who are you hurting anyway?

It is time to break free, my friend! You can be free of this addiction (or "problem", or whatever you want to call it). It takes a lot of hard work to be free, but it is awesome to live without that secret sin.

Think about what would happen if you died in your hotel room and what your family might find out. It could be something as simple as a bill for a movie, or your work laptop being returned and your employer asking some questions. Or is it magazines or chat lines? No matter what it is, it will be found out.

Freedom! It is in front of you if you want it.

Keeping it between the lines

I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.

When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.

Some examples of failed course corrections:

1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?

We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.

If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Can we be Free of Sin?

It's the age-old question! Can we really be free of temptation and sin? Yes, we can! But we can't do it alone! We set ourselves up for failure by isolating ourselves and not being open and honest in our relationships, even with our wives. We can't tell them we are tempted to do things we shouldn't. We can't tell them we looked longingly at a woman and had lust enter into us. We can't tell them we fell entitled and we deserve to have a release while we are on the road.

We need help.
We CAN fight this together.
We CAN stay pure and free from temptation and sin.
We CAN make the right choices when we travel.
We CAN honor our families with our decisions.

Let TMM come alongside you and help. You will be amazed at the power in 3 (You, Me, and Christ!) -- It is a bond that can't be broken!

email me -- Kevin@travelingmanministry.com It is never too late to do the right thing.

TMM: Hurt and Pain

There is so much hurt and pain among men and we love to just suppress it and bury it! It is time for us to face it and deal with it! It is ok to not be perfect!

It's Weak to Show Weakness!

Why, for a man, is it weak when we show weakness? I see it all the time with the guys I talk to. They are so slow to open up and get to the issues that are plaguing them. They try to hide it and dance around it, and deny it; but it is all a lie! And it is burning inside of them.

We must be strong we are told when we are young. Stop crying! Hide those emotions! Big boys are tough! It's definitely not cool to not be strong. All this is learned at a very early age.

Enter into our lives isolation and loneliness, especially when we travel. This opens the door for porn, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling, over-eating and a bunch of other things.

What happens when we stop trying to hide all the hurt and pain we have stored up inside us? It is 1,000% liberating! To be able to unload for awhile and let our guard down. Trust me, there is nothing else like it! Find someone you trust, someone you REALLY trust, and start building a relationship. Take it slowly, and allow God to be with you. Slowly open up as you feel confident in the safety of the relationship.

Lets finally stop thinking that it is weak to show weakness. Being vulnerable is a sign of weakness for men. Opening up and talking about feelings and hurts and our past is a sign of weakness for men, so we are told. But what is viewing porn?what is cheating on our wives? What is carrying around 30 or 40 years of disappointment?

I am happy to be considered weak and be free of pain and bondage.

Traveling Man: Breaking the Cycle of Despair

Ever hear of the cycle of despair? I had read about it years ago and didn't even realize i was living it. The cycle begins with an action, usually and typically the wrong action. It's when you do exactly what you don't want to do. It's watching the movie in the hotel room, it's having one more drink at the bar and flirting with a woman, it's firing your laptop up just to see what's going on, it's hitting the strip bar, it's whatever it is that you do that you try not to do. You know what I mean.

The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.

The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!

The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.

Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.

It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.

Traveling Man

The whole idea behind TMM is to help men stay pure, clean, sober, and protected while away from home. Not every man struggles when he travels, but every man is tempted in one way or another when on the road. It's sad but true, and it happens time and time again.

Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.

TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.

Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!

Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?

Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.

The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.

Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.

Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.

Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.

Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.

All is Well!

Oh, how many times have I heard that line! We are so so far from admitting problems or weaknesses or temptations! Did you know that 50% of men have a problem with pornography. Ask 10 guys, and all 10 will say "nope, never look at it"! It's really quite funny.

50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!

I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!

Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Those Interstate Signs!

Ever notice how the signs along the interstates seem to start advertising XXX shops about 50 miles before you get to them? And not just XXX shops, same thing applies for massage parlors, strip clubs, and other places that require time to roll around in our heads before we say "yes". Here is how it all works (in my opinion!):

We see the billboards advertising the place. It says XXX at exit whatever, but its always 50 miles away or more. This is what I call the seed. This little seed gets planted in our heads just by glancing at the billboard. Somehow the exit number gets burned into our minds.

Next, the seed gets some water from Satan. He lets it roll around in our heads, helping us justify the stop. Nobody will know. You deserve it. It's just a little porn shop - no big deal. It's better than cheating on your wife. And on and on.... sound a little familiar?

Another billboard, this one maybe 5 miles out. This is when you give yourself the "green light" to stop and go in.

And than it's done. Once you give yourself the grren light to act out, nothing will stop you.

The key to stopping the cycle is to stop the seed from getting planted. Once you see the billboard, PRAY! Pray to get that seed of temptation out of your brain. Get help however you can! Call someone - an accountability partner, your wife, whomever. But just making the call isn't enough - you have to tell them what's going on. Thats the way it works.

As always, I offer you the opportunity to post a comment anonomously. Or you can email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

The Sexual Binge

Good morning! Before I start typing about binging, I want to tell you how great our God is! We are driving north through the Cumberland Mountains and we witnessed a magnificent sunrise! The sky was bright pink, and purple, and blue! Thank you Lord for painting the sky for us this morning!

OK, let stalk about binging! Its not always sexual binging that gets us into trouble. In the Traveling Man Ministry (TMM) reference of binging, it when we sign up for the all day porn in the hotel….its when we go to the bar for a few more drinks after dinner….its when we stare a little too long at a set of legs…or boobs…or whatever.

The binge starts with a minor stumble. A small give in to temptation. If we can control it here, we can get through it….BUT Satan talks to us…he says we failed, we are weak, and we are worthless. He says that since we have already disappointed ourselves and God, it is ok to wallow in our sin for awhile….just to get it out of our system. Satan says if we binge, we can purge our desires and temptations and start new tomorrow. Sounds logical to a man! Fresh start? 2^nd chance? Sign me up…tomorrow!

BUT…. A stumble does not mean a fall. Temptation does not mean failure. God is with us, he gives us a way out. I am tired of failing. Are you? I want to be free. Do you? It is about today, not tomorrow. It is about how we respond to that first temptation.

Let's stop living in the sin. Let's stop binging. Let's let God in to help.

TMM is a great resource for the traveling man. I know the struggles are real. I know how hard it is to deny pleasure. I know how powerful our enemy is.

I know we can't do it alone.

How about allowing someone to come along side you in prayer? Need more than that?

How about allowing someone to actually call you and talk to you? Still need more?

How about someone that is available for you to call them? Yes, that's right. When temptation strikes, you can have a resource. Someone safe and confidential.

Email me at Kevin@travelingmanministry.com for info or help!

Cracks in the wall

Yep, still driving! Going walleye fishing in northern Michigan!

Driving along the interstate there are lots of spots where the road is cut into solid rock. It is amazing to me to see all sorts of vegetation growing out of those rocks. It makes me think of how Satan works and how he gets his seeds planted, no matter how strong we are. Allow me to explain (which means keep reading!)

The engineers and builders of roads have to use dynamite to cut away the stone to build a road. Have you ever seen a limestone quarry (think about the movie Breaking Away) and how solid that stone is? It is impervious to nearly everything. But plants can grow on it, tress can take root. All it takes is a little seed and a little water to start the growth. A small crack becomes home to new life. I think you know what I mean here.

Now think about sin and temptation and Satan. We can be strong, like solid stone. But how do we prevent those seeds from taking root in our armor? We can be strong like limestone, but how do we prevent a small crack from becoming host to a new life? We ARE men, so we don't ask for help. We are men, so we cover up those small cracks with a smile and say "everything is great". And all the while, that little seed starts to grow.

Here is an example, and yes it is true:

A "friend" of mine was ministering in a metropolitan city. He was attending functions in the community and conferences and networking and really spreading the Gospel and winning people to the kingdom. Mountain top experience for him! Solid foundation, rock solid, working for Christ…no worries here, right? My "friend" has an affinity for clubs, you know the type. So in his travels in the community he sees a few. (seeds planted in solid stone). These seeds are not effectively dealt with and they take root, consuming the mind. Fast forward to the end of the story…. Well, really no need to tell the end since you already know what happens. God thwarted an attempt to visit a club. Which means it was closed.

It's easy for the deceiver to get his seeds in your stone. It's easy for him to water those seeds and provide opportunity. It is not easy for us to resist.

Traveling is tough, and staying pure while traveling is even tougher.

Let me know what you think. Drop a comment on here…it's anonymous!

 

When do the seeds get planted?

When do the seeds of temptation get planted for you? Is it when you see something that makes you think about your sin (addiction)? Is it when you hear something that reminds you? When you check into the hotel? When you are driving from the airport? The key is to recognize those seeds and not allow them to take hold. Prayer is a good way to squash them, another is to call someone! I know you will never have a conversation with your spouse advising her that you are being tempted to view porn, or to go to the bar and have a few drinks and see "whats going on down there". But will you call someone that understands what you are saying/feeling and does not judge?
You don't need an accountability partner....how many of them have you had that you ended up just lying to after the first few conversations. How about an integrity partner? One with no ties to you or your spouse that can help you one day at a time? It sounds interesting. TMM does that. We help people that want help and understand you can't do it alone.
How's it going? How do you respond when Satan starts tossing those seeds at you and waits for one to take root? Are you equipped to stay pure and honor your marriage with your actions?
Contact me if you want. Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

The devil made me do it

We have all heard that expression..the devil made me do it. itls like he is sitting there on our shoulders whispering in our ears. And we listen to his little lies. We allow those little seeds get planted in our minds. We are not prepared or equipped to deal with him. We justify our actions and thoughts, thinking all men have these.

I attended a Samson society meeting tonight (samsonsociety.org). My heart breaks when I hear the men talking about their situations, their demons, and how they want to be free. I belong there. I fit right in. I have my story and my demons, and I have been bitten hard by my sins, and I am still paying the price daily for listening to the deceiver.

When you hear someone say that the devil made them do it, its ok to laugh. The devil doen't make us do anything! He just plants the thought and leaves it to us.

Its lonely on the road. Its boring. WE can feel neglected. So we try to ease our pain with some porn (just a little!), some booze and some flirting (but not too much!), or whatever we like to do when away. We all have something. what's yours?

How do you respond when those little seeds fall into your mind? Will you allow me to come along side you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Stress before travel

I just got back from a short trip to New Jersey! I traveled with my family and stayed at my sisters house! While I was driving, I was thinking about the stress we as men who are on the road face before we even leave. For example, we may worry if we are prepared for the meeting we have to attend, or if the sales presentation is ready, if we are in the correct hotel we wanted, if our flight will be on time, etc, etc... Not to mention all the stress of leaving our families behind for a few days. But men who have a secret also worry about the phone call from our spouses/sig other asking the dreaded questions that will find us out. Is all the porn removed from the computer? will the cell phone bill come in while you are away? will a credit card bill arrive that she shouldn't see? All these add more stress to a trip. Stress that we don't need when we live a pure life.
Addiction is a wicked thing that can't be handled alone. Are you trying to be strong when you are alone but fail time after time? I was in the same boat, but my secret sin was discovered by my wife. I tried and tried to stop it on my own but was unable. Sound familiar?
Lets take this journey together. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

More Despair

I was on the website connectingmatters.com, a Nashville TN counselors website and saw this...its pretty cool.... read the word below and say out loud what you see....

GODISNOWHERE

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-

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So....what do you see? What did you say out loud? I bet you said "God is No Where". That's despair and being isolated. I prefer to see "God is Now Here". That's hope and love of our Father.

Despair

As I work with more and more men that travel and want to stay pure I am learning the despair they have. Some are starting to realize that they can not beat Satan alone. We need that 2nd person and we need Christ to successfully defend ourselves. Are you tired of being held in bondage of porn or infidelity or alcohol? Do you wish you could just tell someone that might actually understand and not judge you? I am available to help. Let's go into battle together.
email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

Reading This?

If you are reading this blog, then you are probably a man who travels. You may or may not have a secret sin of some sort, and maybe its not so secret of a sin. Maybe your wife/significant other knows about it and you are working on it together. Maybe you need help. Hopefully you are tired of living the double life.

If you are reading this, would you please post a comment?I opened comments up so you can post them anonymously...no names, no anything. just let me know what you are thinking or feeling. If you don't want to comment, you can send me an email....Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

Porn at Work on the Increase

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Out of Body Experience

It's like being on auto pilot, I guess. You know, when you begin the process of doing exactly what you don't want to do, but it seems like your not really doing it. Its like another person or version of yourself that is doing it. And its completely possible that you are sitting there "watching" it all happen. Seems like a neat defense mechanism, however its faulty. We all know that there is no 2nd version of yourself. And we all know that its a lie to make your sin seem less like your own. there is value in this theory, though. It helps you recognize that you are fully aware you are sinning and not being obedient to God. This is a good step! So, how do we stop thinking in terms that another person is acting out and take ownership? We need to seek help very quickly when we recognize our alter ego is kicking in and is taking over our rational thought. Traveling Man Ministry (TMM) can be that help... but you have to ask!

Secret Sin

There is alot of secret sin going around, and it is especially prevalent among men who travel. Some examples of secret sins are drinking more than you normally would, eating more than you usually do, viewing internet porn, watching pornographic movies, infidelity, and gambling. The key word is secret....so secret that you may only do it when you travel. Satan tempts you, dangling it in front of you..."nobody will know" he says. WRONG. Christ knows. Christ knows your heart, you can't hide it. You cant close off sections of your heart and think He won't see whats in there. He is sitting next to you while you are in the process of your sin. He feels your guilt and shame once you are done. He wants to help you....He really, really wants to help you; but prayer alone is not enough. You can not fight Satan alone. You will lose 99 out of 100 times. Will you allow Traveling Man Ministry (TMM) to help you? We will come alongside you and fight this temptation with you! All it takes is a simple act of submission -- asking for help. Admitting you can't do it alone.

Be Prepared!

Temptation always strikes when you travel. It may not be every time you are on the road, but it happens often enough that you probably can't even identify it when it hits. Does it strike early in the day? mid-afternoon? evening? late night? Satan is so good that he knows exactly when to plant the seed. Soemtimes that's all he needs to do -- just plant it and let you do the rest. It can even happen weeks before your trip! Men - we must be aware and be prepared!!!! Once our guard comes down, sin can step in. How can we be prepared? First, pray. Pray Pray Pray! God can give you the strength to get out of any jam you are in. Second, protect your eyes and ears. Even a slightly inappropriate joke can be a trigger for acting out. Third, have a plan. Know your "exit strategy" - turn and run when needed. Its ok to say "no" to a drink at the bar, its ok to say "no" to flirting with a woman, its ok to say "no" to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and that you know is wrong. I learned the hard way.

Marriage Conference – part 2

I wrote on Friday about day 1 of a marriage conference my wife and I attended, about Eph 6 and the belt of truth. The next day the speakers went through the rest of the armor of God and how it applies to us and how we can use to strengthen (or save) our marriages. It was an excellent conference with a funny, fresh approach to the armor of God. After the conference, my wife simply said, "I thought we were doing all that and it still didn't work". Ouch! Not good. As you can tell, I led a double life while I was on the road, and many, many men that I knew did too. Did you know that 50% of hotel rooms on any given night have porn showing on the hotel TV? I wonder how many of those are of Christian men who want to break out of the bondage of their addiction and sin.

Learning Some Things!

I am definately learning some things as this proceeds. Being available for men in times of crisis is one thing...they call when they are on the road, tempted to do what they know is wrong - and I answer and talk to them. BUT...how do I get to them right when Satan plants that little seed of temptation -- on their way to their destination when they see a billboard, as they drive to their hotel and see a bar/club that looks inviting, as they pass the hotel bar, as they check out the movie titles of the pornos on the tv. All these are seeds from the enemy. He plants them in our minds, then waters them and waits for them to sprout. The key to saving a man who is on the road is to prevent those seeds from ever getting planted. Equipping them to not "see" the seeds is critical. Crisis Management is one thing, but never letting the seeds take hold is another path to freedom!
Traveling Man is a high contact ministry to help the guy on the road stay pure.

Traveling Man

Men – I know firsthand how lonely the road is! I traveled weekly for 8 years – I know all about the temptations that hit you while away. Satan never leaves you alone and you cannot defeat him alone! I attended the first part of a marriage conference tonight and the speakers were talking about the belt of truth (Eph 6). We as traveling men have a very hard time telling the FULL truth to anyone. How many times do you call home, chat for awhile, hang up and then go out? Or look at porn? Or invite a woman into your room? It happens all the time…and our spouses have no clue. There is freedom from the lies and "acting out" – but it is impossible to do alone!

Traveling Man Ministry!

Wow! I have never blogged before, so here we go! Welcome to the Traveling Man Ministry blog. My name is Kevin, and I was a traveling man! I fully understand what can happen on the road, the temptations men can be hit with, and how we typically respond. I am here to help men who travel for business fight off temptation from alcohol, gambling, internet porn, porn movies, and infidelity. However, even if you are not battling temptation while traveling, we can help you from falling into the trap that many of us have. This ministry is designed for a high level of personal contact to develop a relationship that can truly benefit the traveler.