Sitting in a lonely hotel room, or maybe just alone at home...does it really make a difference? The temptations for sexual sin are like the temptations for an alcoholic to have a drink, or the drug addict to get a fix. The temptations for sexual sin start off simple enough, as the master of sin knows how to draw us in...the TV commercials are so risque that they can be considered a gateway drug. Once we allow ourselves to be drawn in, the rest is easy. How often have I ignored the Holy Spirit speak to me, whisper in my ear, cause a tingle on the back of my neck as I went down the path of sin. The warning signs are always there, but do I choose to see them? Do I choose to listen to the Spirit? Do I choose to call my Silas? (a Samson Society thing.. check out Samson Society if you are not familiar).
As I master my habits and gateways, I can understand how I am feeling and why I want to act out/have a release. How long can a person stay busy to keep their mind free of clutter and temptation? I hear it so often from so many guys.."I just want to be free". If only it was that easy. How many have prayed for God to free you of a sexual sin/sexual addiction? Almost everyone that reads this blog.
I am here to help while you are on the road to recovery, while you sit alone in a hotel room. Contact me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com or leave a comment to this post.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Guest Post by Bob McCluskey!
Hey everyone! I have a guest post by Bob McCluskey! My last posting referenced his website and he was gracious enough to provide a guest post. Give this a read -- I can guarantee you will relate to alot of what is written!
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Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
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