Why, for a man, is it weak when we show weakness? I see it all the time with the guys I talk to. They are so slow to open up and get to the issues that are plaguing them. They try to hide it and dance around it, and deny it; but it is all a lie! And it is burning inside of them.
We must be strong we are told when we are young. Stop crying! Hide those emotions! Big boys are tough! It's definitely not cool to not be strong. All this is learned at a very early age.
Enter into our lives isolation and loneliness, especially when we travel. This opens the door for porn, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling, over-eating and a bunch of other things.
What happens when we stop trying to hide all the hurt and pain we have stored up inside us? It is 1,000% liberating! To be able to unload for awhile and let our guard down. Trust me, there is nothing else like it! Find someone you trust, someone you REALLY trust, and start building a relationship. Take it slowly, and allow God to be with you. Slowly open up as you feel confident in the safety of the relationship.
Lets finally stop thinking that it is weak to show weakness. Being vulnerable is a sign of weakness for men. Opening up and talking about feelings and hurts and our past is a sign of weakness for men, so we are told. But what is viewing porn?what is cheating on our wives? What is carrying around 30 or 40 years of disappointment?
I am happy to be considered weak and be free of pain and bondage.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Traveling Man: Breaking the Cycle of Despair
Ever hear of the cycle of despair? I had read about it years ago and didn't even realize i was living it. The cycle begins with an action, usually and typically the wrong action. It's when you do exactly what you don't want to do. It's watching the movie in the hotel room, it's having one more drink at the bar and flirting with a woman, it's firing your laptop up just to see what's going on, it's hitting the strip bar, it's whatever it is that you do that you try not to do. You know what I mean.
The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.
The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!
The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.
Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.
It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.
The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.
The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!
The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.
Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.
It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Traveling Man
The whole idea behind TMM is to help men stay pure, clean, sober, and protected while away from home. Not every man struggles when he travels, but every man is tempted in one way or another when on the road. It's sad but true, and it happens time and time again.
Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.
TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.
Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!
Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.
TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.
Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?
Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.
The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.
Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.
Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.
Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.
Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.
The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.
Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.
Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.
Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.
Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
All is Well!
Oh, how many times have I heard that line! We are so so far from admitting problems or weaknesses or temptations! Did you know that 50% of men have a problem with pornography. Ask 10 guys, and all 10 will say "nope, never look at it"! It's really quite funny.
50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!
I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!
Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!
I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!
Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
Those Interstate Signs!
Ever notice how the signs along the interstates seem to start advertising XXX shops about 50 miles before you get to them? And not just XXX shops, same thing applies for massage parlors, strip clubs, and other places that require time to roll around in our heads before we say "yes". Here is how it all works (in my opinion!):
We see the billboards advertising the place. It says XXX at exit whatever, but its always 50 miles away or more. This is what I call the seed. This little seed gets planted in our heads just by glancing at the billboard. Somehow the exit number gets burned into our minds.
Next, the seed gets some water from Satan. He lets it roll around in our heads, helping us justify the stop. Nobody will know. You deserve it. It's just a little porn shop - no big deal. It's better than cheating on your wife. And on and on.... sound a little familiar?
Another billboard, this one maybe 5 miles out. This is when you give yourself the "green light" to stop and go in.
And than it's done. Once you give yourself the grren light to act out, nothing will stop you.
The key to stopping the cycle is to stop the seed from getting planted. Once you see the billboard, PRAY! Pray to get that seed of temptation out of your brain. Get help however you can! Call someone - an accountability partner, your wife, whomever. But just making the call isn't enough - you have to tell them what's going on. Thats the way it works.
As always, I offer you the opportunity to post a comment anonomously. Or you can email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
We see the billboards advertising the place. It says XXX at exit whatever, but its always 50 miles away or more. This is what I call the seed. This little seed gets planted in our heads just by glancing at the billboard. Somehow the exit number gets burned into our minds.
Next, the seed gets some water from Satan. He lets it roll around in our heads, helping us justify the stop. Nobody will know. You deserve it. It's just a little porn shop - no big deal. It's better than cheating on your wife. And on and on.... sound a little familiar?
Another billboard, this one maybe 5 miles out. This is when you give yourself the "green light" to stop and go in.
And than it's done. Once you give yourself the grren light to act out, nothing will stop you.
The key to stopping the cycle is to stop the seed from getting planted. Once you see the billboard, PRAY! Pray to get that seed of temptation out of your brain. Get help however you can! Call someone - an accountability partner, your wife, whomever. But just making the call isn't enough - you have to tell them what's going on. Thats the way it works.
As always, I offer you the opportunity to post a comment anonomously. Or you can email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
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