Our small group continued our study of #crazylove last weekend. Chapter 2 is all about how God can call us home at any minute. We had some great discussion about regrets and highlights of life. We all were saddened by people that we know that have committed suicide, and this put a somber note for awhile. We are all excited to get into the "meat and potato's" of the study as we move into chapter 3!
But the main thing that I was thinking about when reading and discussing chapter 2 is in regards to the traveling men. What would happen if you died in your hotel room tonight? What would your wife see when she came to collect your things? Would she be proud of what you had in your room or what you may have been doing when you died? I know alot of guys who travel for their work. I know alot of guys that have "company sponsored affairs". I know alot of guys that do things when they are away from home that they would never ever do at or near home. Travel is liberating, and those men that live a double life while away from their wife have lost their foundation of love and support.
The temptation to misbehave is so strong. Satan is so good at what he does. Don't let him in. I am not saying you need to sit in your room with the computer off, the TV off, and your phone off. I am simply saying that the battles you face are spiritual battles, and we need to allow Jesus to fight them for us. This is hard to understand and hard to do, but He is there with you. Every day and every night.
Showing posts with label sexual sins while traveling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexual sins while traveling. Show all posts
Monday, March 7, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Guest Post by Bob McCluskey!
Hey everyone! I have a guest post by Bob McCluskey! My last posting referenced his website and he was gracious enough to provide a guest post. Give this a read -- I can guarantee you will relate to alot of what is written!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
From Kevin: Want to know what TMM is all about---read below. I pulled from:
http://renewal-journal.com/blog/2010/06/13/a-story-of-confession-as-a-healing-ministry-in-a-young-christian-life/
Read it (I only pulled a small section off the referring web site) and if it describes you in any way and you desire to be free of this sexual sin while traveling, reach out -->kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several years ago I sat down to pray with a small group of Christian men on a wintry Tuesday morning. This was a regular meeting unimaginatively called “the Tuesday morning men’s prayer group.” We met from seven to 8:00 AM in a small room at the church many of us attended.
It was our usual practice to share our experiences of the previous week, along with our needs and concerns. Then we closed with about 30 minutes of prayer for one another. On this particular morning the men were taking turns talking about various matters. The turn passed to a young husband and father who, in recent months, had become active in working with children and youth in the church. As we turned our attention to him, it became clear that he was quite agitated and struggling for words.
Sobbing, he finally said, “I know that this is going to destroy any chance I have of working with kids in the church, and will probably ruin my reputation as a Christian, but I have to get something off of my chest. I have to go out of town on business in a couple of days, and I am terrified. When I graduated from high school I joined the Navy. I traveled a lot in the military and joined in all of the typical off-duty activities that sailors do with their buddies. I have always been shy with girls but when I was in the Navy I became fascinated with pornography. All of the other guys took it for granted so it was no problem for me to indulge myself with it.
“When I was discharged from the service I met my future wife right away. We were so much in love my interest in pornography faded into the background. I got a good job, we got married and found out we were going to have a baby. We found this church and became active members. It was the happiest time of my life. Then, I got a promotion at work and started traveling alone. On my first business trip I got off of the airplane at my destination airport and headed to the rental car counter. I suddenly realized that I was very lonely. I decided to stop in to the news stand to get something to read. As soon as I stepped in front of the magazine racks I saw the row of Playboy magazines and about a dozen other books and magazines of the same type. I ended up in my hotel room with a briefcase full of porn and a heart and mind full of shame. I threw it out as I was leaving the hotel to go back to the airport.
“When I got back home I felt so terrible that my wife could tell something was wrong. She asked me about it and I lied. I was sure that I felt so bad that I would never fall into that temptation again, but I think it is getting worse. Now, whenever I find out that I am going to be traveling, I start thinking about the magazines. A few times I have been able to avoid actually buying them, but the temptation is almost an obsession. I am afraid that I am demon possessed or mentally ill. I think about losing my family, my church and my reputation. It seems like a simple thing but I feel that it is controlling me. There, now I’ve said it. If you are as disgusted with me as I am with myself, just give it to me straight and I’ll get out of here and never come back.”
This confession was followed by a period of awkward silence. Finally one of the other men spoke quietly.
I need to pause to tell you that the man who spoke was a lay leader in the church. He was a solid family man who held an executive position with a large, well-known and reputable technology company. He was a mature man whose wisdom, kindness and maturity were respected by everyone who knew him. He wasn’t a person who talked loudly or often but, when he did speak, people listened and valued his words highly.
When this “elder” began to respond to the younger man’s admission, I rather expected him to offer some advice about how to deal with the temptation of pornography, or perhaps to moralize a bit. However, he said simply: ”I have that problem.”
This statement was followed by an even longer and more awkward silence that, at least for me, begged someone to bring some control to the situation or, even better, change the subject. The quiet was finally interrupted again when a third man who was, again, a “pillar” in the church, stated: ”I have that problem, too.” Soon a fourth man in the group said, “I don’t have a problem with pornography when I travel alone.” ( I felt a palpable sense of relief for a moment.) …”I am tempted to drink.” (So much for the relief!)
After some more discussion about the power of temptation to attack us when we are in our weakest moments, the lay leader said, “Here’s what I think we need to do. I think we need to take note of the situations in which each of us feels most vulnerable to the temptation to sin. Then, every week when we meet we can each mention any impending situations. We will pray for one another about those specific occasions. The following week we will relate what happened, good or bad. Nothing disempowers temptation like bringing it into the light.”
We all agreed to participate in this idea and followed it faithfully. Everyone in the group agreed that the practice significantly reduced the power of the temptations and the actual occasions of yielding to them. The young man who began the original dialogue was able to resist his attraction to pornography and continued to grow spiritually and in his ministries
http://renewal-journal.com/blog/2010/06/13/a-story-of-confession-as-a-healing-ministry-in-a-young-christian-life/
Read it (I only pulled a small section off the referring web site) and if it describes you in any way and you desire to be free of this sexual sin while traveling, reach out -->kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several years ago I sat down to pray with a small group of Christian men on a wintry Tuesday morning. This was a regular meeting unimaginatively called “the Tuesday morning men’s prayer group.” We met from seven to 8:00 AM in a small room at the church many of us attended.
It was our usual practice to share our experiences of the previous week, along with our needs and concerns. Then we closed with about 30 minutes of prayer for one another. On this particular morning the men were taking turns talking about various matters. The turn passed to a young husband and father who, in recent months, had become active in working with children and youth in the church. As we turned our attention to him, it became clear that he was quite agitated and struggling for words.
Sobbing, he finally said, “I know that this is going to destroy any chance I have of working with kids in the church, and will probably ruin my reputation as a Christian, but I have to get something off of my chest. I have to go out of town on business in a couple of days, and I am terrified. When I graduated from high school I joined the Navy. I traveled a lot in the military and joined in all of the typical off-duty activities that sailors do with their buddies. I have always been shy with girls but when I was in the Navy I became fascinated with pornography. All of the other guys took it for granted so it was no problem for me to indulge myself with it.
“When I was discharged from the service I met my future wife right away. We were so much in love my interest in pornography faded into the background. I got a good job, we got married and found out we were going to have a baby. We found this church and became active members. It was the happiest time of my life. Then, I got a promotion at work and started traveling alone. On my first business trip I got off of the airplane at my destination airport and headed to the rental car counter. I suddenly realized that I was very lonely. I decided to stop in to the news stand to get something to read. As soon as I stepped in front of the magazine racks I saw the row of Playboy magazines and about a dozen other books and magazines of the same type. I ended up in my hotel room with a briefcase full of porn and a heart and mind full of shame. I threw it out as I was leaving the hotel to go back to the airport.
“When I got back home I felt so terrible that my wife could tell something was wrong. She asked me about it and I lied. I was sure that I felt so bad that I would never fall into that temptation again, but I think it is getting worse. Now, whenever I find out that I am going to be traveling, I start thinking about the magazines. A few times I have been able to avoid actually buying them, but the temptation is almost an obsession. I am afraid that I am demon possessed or mentally ill. I think about losing my family, my church and my reputation. It seems like a simple thing but I feel that it is controlling me. There, now I’ve said it. If you are as disgusted with me as I am with myself, just give it to me straight and I’ll get out of here and never come back.”
This confession was followed by a period of awkward silence. Finally one of the other men spoke quietly.
I need to pause to tell you that the man who spoke was a lay leader in the church. He was a solid family man who held an executive position with a large, well-known and reputable technology company. He was a mature man whose wisdom, kindness and maturity were respected by everyone who knew him. He wasn’t a person who talked loudly or often but, when he did speak, people listened and valued his words highly.
When this “elder” began to respond to the younger man’s admission, I rather expected him to offer some advice about how to deal with the temptation of pornography, or perhaps to moralize a bit. However, he said simply: ”I have that problem.”
This statement was followed by an even longer and more awkward silence that, at least for me, begged someone to bring some control to the situation or, even better, change the subject. The quiet was finally interrupted again when a third man who was, again, a “pillar” in the church, stated: ”I have that problem, too.” Soon a fourth man in the group said, “I don’t have a problem with pornography when I travel alone.” ( I felt a palpable sense of relief for a moment.) …”I am tempted to drink.” (So much for the relief!)
After some more discussion about the power of temptation to attack us when we are in our weakest moments, the lay leader said, “Here’s what I think we need to do. I think we need to take note of the situations in which each of us feels most vulnerable to the temptation to sin. Then, every week when we meet we can each mention any impending situations. We will pray for one another about those specific occasions. The following week we will relate what happened, good or bad. Nothing disempowers temptation like bringing it into the light.”
We all agreed to participate in this idea and followed it faithfully. Everyone in the group agreed that the practice significantly reduced the power of the temptations and the actual occasions of yielding to them. The young man who began the original dialogue was able to resist his attraction to pornography and continued to grow spiritually and in his ministries
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)