Course Corrections for #Purity,,,Keeping it Between the Lines

I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.

When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.

Some examples of failed course corrections:

1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?

We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.

If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...info@travelingmanministry.com

Crazy Love, Week 2

Our small group continued our study of #crazylove last weekend. Chapter 2 is all about how God can call us home at any minute. We had some great discussion about regrets and highlights of life. We all were saddened by people that we know that have committed suicide, and this put a somber note for awhile. We are all excited to get into the "meat and potato's" of the study as we move into chapter 3!

But the main thing that I was thinking about when reading and discussing chapter 2 is in regards to the traveling men. What would happen if you died in your hotel room tonight? What would your wife see when she came to collect your things? Would she be proud of what you had in your room or what you may have been doing when you died? I know alot of guys who travel for their work. I know alot of guys that have "company sponsored affairs". I know alot of guys that do things when they are away from home that they would never ever do at or near home. Travel is liberating, and those men that live a double life while away from their wife have lost their foundation of love and support.

The temptation to misbehave is so strong. Satan is so good at what he does. Don't let him in. I am not saying you need to sit in your room with the computer off, the TV off, and your phone off. I am simply saying that the battles you face are spiritual battles, and we need to allow Jesus to fight them for us. This is hard to understand and hard to do, but He is there with you. Every day and every night.

Crazy Love

The small group I belong to started a new study tonight called "Crazy "Love" by Francis Chan. This study seems promising to push us into a deeper relationship with the Lord. Chapter 1 was pretty foundational, discussing the attributes of God our Father. Good Stuff though. Chan seems so authentic, and one person in the group said she thought he was the real deal -- I would agree. I heard he walked away from pastoring his church because he was hearing his name mentioned more than Jesus' name. How many people walk away from a good gig like that -- not many that I have heard of. And of course he gets criticized for it... but I digress as always..

The point is that I am excited to be studying something! I am thinking we will tackle "Radical" after we finish crazy love..

So tonight's post has nothing to do with traveling men, sexual sin, or anything like that -- just a quick little post to share my excitement about small group!

Follow TMM on Twitter!

I finally broke down and started a Twitter account! TMM tweets @trvlngmanmnstry. Now if someone can tell me how to get my blog posts to automatically go to Twitter I would be eternally grateful!

100 miles from home

What is your magic "miles from home" number? Are you a local traveler that acts out in your sin closer than 100 miles? Mine was 100 miles. Nobody around, no risk of running into someone I would know. It was freedom, in it's own way. Looking back, it was pure insanity. So how far do you travel before you feel that freedom?

Family men who travel to make a living, to support our families -- we are in trouble. With porn addiction rates running over 50% in regular households, we all know it is over 80% in households of men who include regualr traveling in their job description. Maybe your secret sin is not porn -- maybe it is the actual act of infidelity, strip bars, alcohol, drugs, gambling... No matter what it is, it is still a secret and still a sin. And when it stays hidden in the darkness, that becomes Satan's playground.

So next time you are X # of miles from home and feeling that freedom, that pull to the darkness, remember you don't have to do it. You can resist. It is possible to win this fight -- one day (night) at a time.

NPR Recognizes porn as a problem!

Hey guys! My brother in law sent me this link from NPR that discusses the issue of pornography. This Sunday is National porn awareness day. Hit the link, read the article, and watch the video...yes, I am advising you to watch a video -- something I never do. It is not you tube and it is safe and clean!

I found alot of encouragement in this -- especially that 300 churches will be talking about porn.. 300 churches on the same Sunday bringing this secret sin out into the light!

Enjoy, my brothers in this battle of sexual purity!

http://www.npr.org/2011/02/03/133463774/religious-groups-tackle-an-x-rated-secret

Lonely

It is so lonely in a hotel room. Is anyone surprised how many men fail every night? porn, infidelity, alcoholism, it is all so easy to fall victim to. And it all starts innocent enough...

Have you called home tonight to check on your family?

Are you a cyber-sex addict? take the test! Be honest!

Cybersex Addiction Screening Test


By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT



The Cybersex Addiction Screening Test is designed to assist the assessment of sexually compulsive or "addictive" behavior. The test provides a profile of responses which help to identify men and women with sexually addictive disorders.

3 or more "yes" answers indicate there might be a problem.


Do you spend increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement?

Are you involved in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS?

Do you not consider online sexual or romantic "affairs" to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments?

Have you failed in attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction?

Does online use interfere with work (tired or late due to previous night's use, online while at work etc.)?

Does online use interfere with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners)?

Are you intensely engaged in collecting Internet pornography?

Do you engage in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation)?

Has your social or family interactive time decreased due to online fantasy involvement?

Are you secretive, or do you lie about the amount of time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online?

Do you engage with sexual or romantic partners met online, while being involved in marital or other primary relationship?

Are there increasing numbers of complaints or concerns from family or friends about the amount of time spent online?

Do you frequently become angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends?

Has the primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use)?

Are you a SEX ADDICT? Take the quiz!

Be 100% honest!  You ARE just hanging around in a hotel room...alone, I hope!

Men's Sexual Screening Addiction Test


By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT



The screening test below is designed to help you self-identify a potential sexual addiction problem. It offers an overview of concerns frequently presented by both men and women seeking help for problem sexual behavior.



Instructions

Answer each question by placing a check in the appropriate yes/no column. Questions with an asterisk* are not related to sexual orientation. Answering yes to more than 3 questions may indicate a sexual addiction problem, which should be openly discussed with a trained sexual addiction specialist.



Questions





Do you believe you have a sexual problem? *

Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?

Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?

Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?

Has paying for sex ever challenged your finances?

Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?

Do you have trouble stopping any aspects of your sexual behavior even though it may go against your values and beliefs or even cause you harm? *

Is your involvement with pornography, phone sex, online sexual interactions, etc. greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?

Do you keep the extent and/or nature of your sexual behavior a secret from your intimate friends and/or partners?

Are you eager for events with friends or family to be over so that you can leave to have sexual adventures?

Do you regularly go to strip clubs, sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or adult bookstores?

Do you believe that pornography and anonymous or casual sex have kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?

Do you have trouble maintaining sexual interest or intimacy once the "newness" of the person has worn off?

Do your sexual encounters ever put you in danger of arrest (e.g. seeing prostitutes, sensual massage, having sex in a public place)?

Do you have unprotected sex with prostitutes and/or anonymous partners (please consider unprotected as: oral, anal and vaginal experiences without protection)?

Has your sexual behavior ever caused physical or emotional harm to others (Examples include: lying to a spouse, breaking your commitments, giving people diseases, etc.)?

Have you ever been approached, charged and/or arrested by police or other security personnel as a consequence of your sexual behavior choices?

As an adult, have you ever been sexual with someone under the age of 18?

After you have sex, do you sometimes feel depressed afterward or become angry with yourself about what you have done? *

Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual behavior only to break those promises later? *

Has your sexual behavior ever interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life? *

If questioned, do you lie to those close to you about your sexual behavior? *


Do you routinely pay for sex (examples: have ësensual massagesí, see prostitutes)?


Have you ever had sex with someone just because the situation aroused you, yet later felt shame or regret for doing so? *


Do you regularly cruise, public restrooms, parks, and/or red-light districts seeking anonymous sexual encounters?

Another Secret Sin...Found Out

Read the news this morning? Rick Pitino busted on his secret sin. This one is messy and really ties in well with my last post about dying while away.

Rick was being extorted for 10 million $$ by a woman he had sex with. Not just sex. sex in a restaurant, on a table, with his assistants close by. I know alot of you just thought to yourself "cool". But it's not cool.

The woman gets pregnant and Mr. Pitino gives her some cash, possibly for an abortion. Totally un-cool. Than the extortion for the cash. Again, not cool.

So Mr. Pitino potentially is throwing his career away. He DOES have an ethics and morality clause in his contract, you know.

Sexual Sin. Sexual Addiction. It is a growing problem and needs to be dealt with and fought.

Remember, Mr. Pitino got CAUGHT on this one, I wonder how many other women there are out there that have had relations with him.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Pitino has a heavy TRAVEL schedule. Alone on the road (or with his "assistants").

What if you died while on the road?

Does this scene look familiar? It is the remains of a car accident that killed 8 people. The driver of this SUV is accused of being drunk and high while driving. Her husband had a press conference and said his wife doesn't drink and doesn't smoke pot. A demolished bottle of vodka was found in the wreckage.

I know you are wondering what does this have to do with men who travel, pornography, and infidelity? A LOT! The question I pose to you is pretty simple…..if you were to die in your hotel room, what would your wife find out about you? Would the police find you knee deep in your sin and report this to your wife? Can you imagine her hearing the details and being in total denial, just like the husband of the driver of that SUV pictured above?

I know you think you are entitled to do what you do. You provide for the family, nobody knows you are hooked (and you plan on keeping it that way!), and who are you hurting anyway?

It is time to break free, my friend! You can be free of this addiction (or "problem", or whatever you want to call it). It takes a lot of hard work to be free, but it is awesome to live without that secret sin.

Think about what would happen if you died in your hotel room and what your family might find out. It could be something as simple as a bill for a movie, or your work laptop being returned and your employer asking some questions. Or is it magazines or chat lines? No matter what it is, it will be found out.

Freedom! It is in front of you if you want it.

Keeping it between the lines

I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.

When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.

Some examples of failed course corrections:

1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?

We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.

If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Can we be Free of Sin?

It's the age-old question! Can we really be free of temptation and sin? Yes, we can! But we can't do it alone! We set ourselves up for failure by isolating ourselves and not being open and honest in our relationships, even with our wives. We can't tell them we are tempted to do things we shouldn't. We can't tell them we looked longingly at a woman and had lust enter into us. We can't tell them we fell entitled and we deserve to have a release while we are on the road.

We need help.
We CAN fight this together.
We CAN stay pure and free from temptation and sin.
We CAN make the right choices when we travel.
We CAN honor our families with our decisions.

Let TMM come alongside you and help. You will be amazed at the power in 3 (You, Me, and Christ!) -- It is a bond that can't be broken!

email me -- Kevin@travelingmanministry.com It is never too late to do the right thing.

Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?

Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.

The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.

Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.

Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.

Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.

Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.

All is Well!

Oh, how many times have I heard that line! We are so so far from admitting problems or weaknesses or temptations! Did you know that 50% of men have a problem with pornography. Ask 10 guys, and all 10 will say "nope, never look at it"! It's really quite funny.

50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!

I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!

Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Those Interstate Signs!

Ever notice how the signs along the interstates seem to start advertising XXX shops about 50 miles before you get to them? And not just XXX shops, same thing applies for massage parlors, strip clubs, and other places that require time to roll around in our heads before we say "yes". Here is how it all works (in my opinion!):

We see the billboards advertising the place. It says XXX at exit whatever, but its always 50 miles away or more. This is what I call the seed. This little seed gets planted in our heads just by glancing at the billboard. Somehow the exit number gets burned into our minds.

Next, the seed gets some water from Satan. He lets it roll around in our heads, helping us justify the stop. Nobody will know. You deserve it. It's just a little porn shop - no big deal. It's better than cheating on your wife. And on and on.... sound a little familiar?

Another billboard, this one maybe 5 miles out. This is when you give yourself the "green light" to stop and go in.

And than it's done. Once you give yourself the grren light to act out, nothing will stop you.

The key to stopping the cycle is to stop the seed from getting planted. Once you see the billboard, PRAY! Pray to get that seed of temptation out of your brain. Get help however you can! Call someone - an accountability partner, your wife, whomever. But just making the call isn't enough - you have to tell them what's going on. Thats the way it works.

As always, I offer you the opportunity to post a comment anonomously. Or you can email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

The devil made me do it

We have all heard that expression..the devil made me do it. itls like he is sitting there on our shoulders whispering in our ears. And we listen to his little lies. We allow those little seeds get planted in our minds. We are not prepared or equipped to deal with him. We justify our actions and thoughts, thinking all men have these.

I attended a Samson society meeting tonight (samsonsociety.org). My heart breaks when I hear the men talking about their situations, their demons, and how they want to be free. I belong there. I fit right in. I have my story and my demons, and I have been bitten hard by my sins, and I am still paying the price daily for listening to the deceiver.

When you hear someone say that the devil made them do it, its ok to laugh. The devil doen't make us do anything! He just plants the thought and leaves it to us.

Its lonely on the road. Its boring. WE can feel neglected. So we try to ease our pain with some porn (just a little!), some booze and some flirting (but not too much!), or whatever we like to do when away. We all have something. what's yours?

How do you respond when those little seeds fall into your mind? Will you allow me to come along side you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Porn at Work on the Increase

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