I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.
When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.
Some examples of failed course corrections:
1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?
We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.
If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...info@travelingmanministry.com
Showing posts with label secret sin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secret sin. Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Crazy Love Week 3
Small group met again Saturday night to complete #crazylove chapter 3. Another great chapter and we are excited to begin moving into week 4: the Lukewarm Christian. Our lesson got a late start when the Butler-Florida game went into OT. Leave it to Butler to never make it easy!
Back to chapter 3.... it is all about the love of our Father. The relationship we had with our earthly father tends to dictate the relationship we have with our heavenly father. The video for this lesson is the best one yet!
We had great discussion about relying on God and trusting God. All the things that we typically fail at every day and need to work at. We need to make a conscious effort to be in relationship with our Lord daily. We talked about our struggles of reading our Bibles every day and our prayer lives.
Looking forward to week 4!
Back to chapter 3.... it is all about the love of our Father. The relationship we had with our earthly father tends to dictate the relationship we have with our heavenly father. The video for this lesson is the best one yet!
We had great discussion about relying on God and trusting God. All the things that we typically fail at every day and need to work at. We need to make a conscious effort to be in relationship with our Lord daily. We talked about our struggles of reading our Bibles every day and our prayer lives.
Looking forward to week 4!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Purity Principle
Sexual #Purity for the men who travel can be very difficult. I have previously written about the pull of temptation that starts before the man even leaves home. We all know the loneliness felt when away from home. We know the struggles as the temptation is denied, and consequently it grows and grows. We know that it is really a spiritual battle, and there is ZERO chance of success without the power of Christ.
The Purity Principle sounds like something high school students would take. It is really no different. Committing yourself to a pure life will work wonders and eliminate quite a bit of temptation. Satan will know there is no need to mess with you - you are part of the Purity Principle.
I wish it was this easy and there would be no more temptation to sin. A man's secret sin is devastating to families. The guilt and shame of this sin forces it to stay a secret. And we all know what happens when we keep secrets. It's not good. It never is. Keeping things in the darkness of your heart only allows more darkness in.
All men, and especially those separated from the fellowship of their friends and families, are susceptible to sexual sin. Claim purity as the standard. You will not be disappointed!
The Purity Principle sounds like something high school students would take. It is really no different. Committing yourself to a pure life will work wonders and eliminate quite a bit of temptation. Satan will know there is no need to mess with you - you are part of the Purity Principle.
I wish it was this easy and there would be no more temptation to sin. A man's secret sin is devastating to families. The guilt and shame of this sin forces it to stay a secret. And we all know what happens when we keep secrets. It's not good. It never is. Keeping things in the darkness of your heart only allows more darkness in.
All men, and especially those separated from the fellowship of their friends and families, are susceptible to sexual sin. Claim purity as the standard. You will not be disappointed!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Follow TMM on Twitter!
I finally broke down and started a Twitter account! TMM tweets @trvlngmanmnstry. Now if someone can tell me how to get my blog posts to automatically go to Twitter I would be eternally grateful!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
100 miles from home
What is your magic "miles from home" number? Are you a local traveler that acts out in your sin closer than 100 miles? Mine was 100 miles. Nobody around, no risk of running into someone I would know. It was freedom, in it's own way. Looking back, it was pure insanity. So how far do you travel before you feel that freedom?
Family men who travel to make a living, to support our families -- we are in trouble. With porn addiction rates running over 50% in regular households, we all know it is over 80% in households of men who include regualr traveling in their job description. Maybe your secret sin is not porn -- maybe it is the actual act of infidelity, strip bars, alcohol, drugs, gambling... No matter what it is, it is still a secret and still a sin. And when it stays hidden in the darkness, that becomes Satan's playground.
So next time you are X # of miles from home and feeling that freedom, that pull to the darkness, remember you don't have to do it. You can resist. It is possible to win this fight -- one day (night) at a time.
Family men who travel to make a living, to support our families -- we are in trouble. With porn addiction rates running over 50% in regular households, we all know it is over 80% in households of men who include regualr traveling in their job description. Maybe your secret sin is not porn -- maybe it is the actual act of infidelity, strip bars, alcohol, drugs, gambling... No matter what it is, it is still a secret and still a sin. And when it stays hidden in the darkness, that becomes Satan's playground.
So next time you are X # of miles from home and feeling that freedom, that pull to the darkness, remember you don't have to do it. You can resist. It is possible to win this fight -- one day (night) at a time.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
NPR Recognizes porn as a problem!
Hey guys! My brother in law sent me this link from NPR that discusses the issue of pornography. This Sunday is National porn awareness day. Hit the link, read the article, and watch the video...yes, I am advising you to watch a video -- something I never do. It is not you tube and it is safe and clean!
I found alot of encouragement in this -- especially that 300 churches will be talking about porn.. 300 churches on the same Sunday bringing this secret sin out into the light!
Enjoy, my brothers in this battle of sexual purity!
http://www.npr.org/2011/02/03/133463774/religious-groups-tackle-an-x-rated-secret
I found alot of encouragement in this -- especially that 300 churches will be talking about porn.. 300 churches on the same Sunday bringing this secret sin out into the light!
Enjoy, my brothers in this battle of sexual purity!
http://www.npr.org/2011/02/03/133463774/religious-groups-tackle-an-x-rated-secret
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Guest Post by Bob McCluskey!
Hey everyone! I have a guest post by Bob McCluskey! My last posting referenced his website and he was gracious enough to provide a guest post. Give this a read -- I can guarantee you will relate to alot of what is written!
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Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
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Rationalization: the intelligent Christian’s worst enemy
By: Bob McCluskey
I am an intelligent and self-indulgent person. Those two characteristics are a dangerous combination for a Christian who is trying to walk the path of righteousness. For many people, it is counter-intuitive to think that self-indulgence might be made worse by intelligence. We would like to think that if we are reasonably smart, we will be able to avoid the temptations that take advantage of our weaknesses. However, intelligence also enhances rationalization . Rationalization is the process of lying to oneself. I have a friend who colorfully calls it “...the ability to hold on to both ends of a contradiction.”
I am also a Christian. As such, I believe that I can make righteous choices if I “walk by means of the Spirit.” (Galatians 5) I also understand that God would not ask me to do something that I cannot do. Therefore, I have to conclude that it is possible for me to walk by means of the Spirit.
I am not going to try to explain what “walking by means of the Spirit” means in this post. However, it is clear to me that I sometimes fail to walk by means of the Spirit, because I sometimes make unrighteous choices, or more bluntly, engage in “Christian sin.”
Since I am self-indulgent I easily fall into addiction. I have made some effort to understand why I am so self-indulgent, but my understanding is pretty undeveloped. I do know that it is to some extent rebelliousness. When I am aware that someone is determined to prevent me from doing something I become more determined to do it. On the other hand, I don’t like to be disrespected and I don’t like to hurt other people. So, I have two influences that tend to prevent me from indulging in sin: I have the positive influence of the Holy Spirit working with me to avoid bad decisions and I have the threat of shame hanging over me when I contemplate indulging my bad habits. Nevertheless, I sometimes still do so.
Some time ago my wife and I were talking to a doctor about my drinking episoded He asked me what I was doing to avoid falling off the wagon. I fell back on my Alcoholics Anonymous training and responded that I tried to “be aware of my triggers” for relapsing, and avoid them. He then asked us what my triggers are. My wife responded, “He drinks when he gets the opportunity.”
I discussed this with her later and she pointed out that I only drink when I think I can do it secretly. That is certainly true, and that’s why traveling has been a dangerous trigger for me. On the other hand, I don’t always drink when I think I can do it secretly, which has led me to think about the differences between the times that I do drink and the times when I do not.
As a result of this thought process I have discovered that my “preparations” for drinking typically involve a rather long rationalization process:
1. I foresee (or invent) an opportunity to drink secretly.
2. I contemplate how I would do it if I decided to do it.
3. I talk to myself in conditional terms: “If I was going to drink this would be a good time to do it.”
4. I hold the idea as a decision that can be made at the time the opportunity becomes reality.
5. At the same time, I continue to consider how I might optimize the possibility of doing it.
By the time the actual opportunity arrives I often take advantage of it without any real thought whatsoever.
This process does not undermine my knowledge that I could listen to the Holy Spirit and make a choice to not drink. It does, however, reveal to me that the real choice is made long before the actual opportunity to indulge my addiction arrives. Whenever it first occurs to me that an opportunity to indulge may be forthcoming, I am often alerted to the danger by the Holy Spirit and my own common sense. However, as soon as I move to phase 2, above, I have started down the rationalization road, and my attention to my flesh starts to overcome my attention to the Spirit. Phase 4 is a complete fantasy.
Here are some of the things that I say to myself:
“It’s been a long time since I got drunk. My body has certainly recovered by now.”
“It won’t affect my performance because...”
“I don’t know anyone there.”
“Everyone else will be drinking.”
“I don’t have anything important to do the next day.”
These, of course, are the arguments of a person who is attempting to justify something, not someone who is trying to avoid it.
Toward the end of the process I am thinking about things like:
Will it be a Sunday or holiday when I get there?
What days and hours are the liquor stores and bars open?
How close is the nearest liquor store to the place I’ll be staying?
If I actually had any common sense left at this point, I would realize that I am so committed to my decision to drink at that point that I am actually anxious or disappointed if I think that something may interfere with it.
Many Christians who read this will react with disgust. That’s o.k. We are used to it. Alcoholics or other addicts who read this may react with discouragement. Nevertheless, as always, there is “good news” for Christians. The option of making good choices is always available to every believer. Those of us who are intelligent and self-indulgent simply have to make a serious effort to understand our rationalization process and make it a habit to say “No!” every time it shows its ugly face, instead of “Maybe...” or “If....”
My experience and God’s Word assure you that the temptation will lose its power when you bring the Holy Spirit up against it. Every time you repeat the refusal to leave the door open to sin, it fights back a little less. When my flesh wants to fall back on the old behaviors that served me for so long, I am often afraid to deny it. However, when I say “No” and lean on the Spirit, I am always surprised and grateful at the strength and joy that comes from our team.
________________________________________
Bob McCluskey is interested in the theology of the Christian life and the local church, especially the relationship of American culture on the health of the American church and church denominations. He maintains blogs and websites on these topics, as well as the “rocky road to Christian sanctification” at http://www.renewal-journal.com/ and Christian hope and expectations at http://www.mypieceofpi.com/ He has been active in church education and leadership for many years, and was employed in higher education administration for 25 years.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Are you a cyber-sex addict? take the test! Be honest!
Cybersex Addiction Screening Test
By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The Cybersex Addiction Screening Test is designed to assist the assessment of sexually compulsive or "addictive" behavior. The test provides a profile of responses which help to identify men and women with sexually addictive disorders.
3 or more "yes" answers indicate there might be a problem.
Do you spend increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement?
Are you involved in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS?
Do you not consider online sexual or romantic "affairs" to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments?
Have you failed in attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction?
Does online use interfere with work (tired or late due to previous night's use, online while at work etc.)?
Does online use interfere with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners)?
Are you intensely engaged in collecting Internet pornography?
Do you engage in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation)?
Has your social or family interactive time decreased due to online fantasy involvement?
Are you secretive, or do you lie about the amount of time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online?
Do you engage with sexual or romantic partners met online, while being involved in marital or other primary relationship?
Are there increasing numbers of complaints or concerns from family or friends about the amount of time spent online?
Do you frequently become angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends?
Has the primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use)?
By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The Cybersex Addiction Screening Test is designed to assist the assessment of sexually compulsive or "addictive" behavior. The test provides a profile of responses which help to identify men and women with sexually addictive disorders.
3 or more "yes" answers indicate there might be a problem.
Do you spend increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement?
Are you involved in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS?
Do you not consider online sexual or romantic "affairs" to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments?
Have you failed in attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction?
Does online use interfere with work (tired or late due to previous night's use, online while at work etc.)?
Does online use interfere with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners)?
Are you intensely engaged in collecting Internet pornography?
Do you engage in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation)?
Has your social or family interactive time decreased due to online fantasy involvement?
Are you secretive, or do you lie about the amount of time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online?
Do you engage with sexual or romantic partners met online, while being involved in marital or other primary relationship?
Are there increasing numbers of complaints or concerns from family or friends about the amount of time spent online?
Do you frequently become angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends?
Has the primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use)?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Are you a SEX ADDICT? Take the quiz!
Be 100% honest! You ARE just hanging around in a hotel room...alone, I hope!
Men's Sexual Screening Addiction Test
By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The screening test below is designed to help you self-identify a potential sexual addiction problem. It offers an overview of concerns frequently presented by both men and women seeking help for problem sexual behavior.
Instructions
Answer each question by placing a check in the appropriate yes/no column. Questions with an asterisk* are not related to sexual orientation. Answering yes to more than 3 questions may indicate a sexual addiction problem, which should be openly discussed with a trained sexual addiction specialist.
Questions
Do you believe you have a sexual problem? *
Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?
Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?
Has paying for sex ever challenged your finances?
Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?
Do you have trouble stopping any aspects of your sexual behavior even though it may go against your values and beliefs or even cause you harm? *
Is your involvement with pornography, phone sex, online sexual interactions, etc. greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?
Do you keep the extent and/or nature of your sexual behavior a secret from your intimate friends and/or partners?
Are you eager for events with friends or family to be over so that you can leave to have sexual adventures?
Do you regularly go to strip clubs, sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or adult bookstores?
Do you believe that pornography and anonymous or casual sex have kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?
Do you have trouble maintaining sexual interest or intimacy once the "newness" of the person has worn off?
Do your sexual encounters ever put you in danger of arrest (e.g. seeing prostitutes, sensual massage, having sex in a public place)?
Do you have unprotected sex with prostitutes and/or anonymous partners (please consider unprotected as: oral, anal and vaginal experiences without protection)?
Has your sexual behavior ever caused physical or emotional harm to others (Examples include: lying to a spouse, breaking your commitments, giving people diseases, etc.)?
Have you ever been approached, charged and/or arrested by police or other security personnel as a consequence of your sexual behavior choices?
As an adult, have you ever been sexual with someone under the age of 18?
After you have sex, do you sometimes feel depressed afterward or become angry with yourself about what you have done? *
Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual behavior only to break those promises later? *
Has your sexual behavior ever interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life? *
If questioned, do you lie to those close to you about your sexual behavior? *
Do you routinely pay for sex (examples: have ësensual massagesí, see prostitutes)?
Have you ever had sex with someone just because the situation aroused you, yet later felt shame or regret for doing so? *
Do you regularly cruise, public restrooms, parks, and/or red-light districts seeking anonymous sexual encounters?
Men's Sexual Screening Addiction Test
By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The screening test below is designed to help you self-identify a potential sexual addiction problem. It offers an overview of concerns frequently presented by both men and women seeking help for problem sexual behavior.
Instructions
Answer each question by placing a check in the appropriate yes/no column. Questions with an asterisk* are not related to sexual orientation. Answering yes to more than 3 questions may indicate a sexual addiction problem, which should be openly discussed with a trained sexual addiction specialist.
Questions
Do you believe you have a sexual problem? *
Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?
Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?
Has paying for sex ever challenged your finances?
Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?
Do you have trouble stopping any aspects of your sexual behavior even though it may go against your values and beliefs or even cause you harm? *
Is your involvement with pornography, phone sex, online sexual interactions, etc. greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?
Do you keep the extent and/or nature of your sexual behavior a secret from your intimate friends and/or partners?
Are you eager for events with friends or family to be over so that you can leave to have sexual adventures?
Do you regularly go to strip clubs, sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or adult bookstores?
Do you believe that pornography and anonymous or casual sex have kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?
Do you have trouble maintaining sexual interest or intimacy once the "newness" of the person has worn off?
Do your sexual encounters ever put you in danger of arrest (e.g. seeing prostitutes, sensual massage, having sex in a public place)?
Do you have unprotected sex with prostitutes and/or anonymous partners (please consider unprotected as: oral, anal and vaginal experiences without protection)?
Has your sexual behavior ever caused physical or emotional harm to others (Examples include: lying to a spouse, breaking your commitments, giving people diseases, etc.)?
Have you ever been approached, charged and/or arrested by police or other security personnel as a consequence of your sexual behavior choices?
As an adult, have you ever been sexual with someone under the age of 18?
After you have sex, do you sometimes feel depressed afterward or become angry with yourself about what you have done? *
Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual behavior only to break those promises later? *
Has your sexual behavior ever interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life? *
If questioned, do you lie to those close to you about your sexual behavior? *
Do you routinely pay for sex (examples: have ësensual massagesí, see prostitutes)?
Have you ever had sex with someone just because the situation aroused you, yet later felt shame or regret for doing so? *
Do you regularly cruise, public restrooms, parks, and/or red-light districts seeking anonymous sexual encounters?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Another Secret Sin...Found Out
Read the news this morning? Rick Pitino busted on his secret sin. This one is messy and really ties in well with my last post about dying while away.
Rick was being extorted for 10 million $$ by a woman he had sex with. Not just sex. sex in a restaurant, on a table, with his assistants close by. I know alot of you just thought to yourself "cool". But it's not cool.
The woman gets pregnant and Mr. Pitino gives her some cash, possibly for an abortion. Totally un-cool. Than the extortion for the cash. Again, not cool.
So Mr. Pitino potentially is throwing his career away. He DOES have an ethics and morality clause in his contract, you know.
Sexual Sin. Sexual Addiction. It is a growing problem and needs to be dealt with and fought.
Remember, Mr. Pitino got CAUGHT on this one, I wonder how many other women there are out there that have had relations with him.
Oh, and by the way, Mr. Pitino has a heavy TRAVEL schedule. Alone on the road (or with his "assistants").
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Traveling Man: Breaking the Cycle of Despair
Ever hear of the cycle of despair? I had read about it years ago and didn't even realize i was living it. The cycle begins with an action, usually and typically the wrong action. It's when you do exactly what you don't want to do. It's watching the movie in the hotel room, it's having one more drink at the bar and flirting with a woman, it's firing your laptop up just to see what's going on, it's hitting the strip bar, it's whatever it is that you do that you try not to do. You know what I mean.
The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.
The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!
The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.
Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.
It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.
The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.
The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!
The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.
Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.
It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The devil made me do it
We have all heard that expression..the devil made me do it. itls like he is sitting there on our shoulders whispering in our ears. And we listen to his little lies. We allow those little seeds get planted in our minds. We are not prepared or equipped to deal with him. We justify our actions and thoughts, thinking all men have these.
I attended a Samson society meeting tonight (samsonsociety.org). My heart breaks when I hear the men talking about their situations, their demons, and how they want to be free. I belong there. I fit right in. I have my story and my demons, and I have been bitten hard by my sins, and I am still paying the price daily for listening to the deceiver.
When you hear someone say that the devil made them do it, its ok to laugh. The devil doen't make us do anything! He just plants the thought and leaves it to us.
Its lonely on the road. Its boring. WE can feel neglected. So we try to ease our pain with some porn (just a little!), some booze and some flirting (but not too much!), or whatever we like to do when away. We all have something. what's yours?
How do you respond when those little seeds fall into your mind? Will you allow me to come along side you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
I attended a Samson society meeting tonight (samsonsociety.org). My heart breaks when I hear the men talking about their situations, their demons, and how they want to be free. I belong there. I fit right in. I have my story and my demons, and I have been bitten hard by my sins, and I am still paying the price daily for listening to the deceiver.
When you hear someone say that the devil made them do it, its ok to laugh. The devil doen't make us do anything! He just plants the thought and leaves it to us.
Its lonely on the road. Its boring. WE can feel neglected. So we try to ease our pain with some porn (just a little!), some booze and some flirting (but not too much!), or whatever we like to do when away. We all have something. what's yours?
How do you respond when those little seeds fall into your mind? Will you allow me to come along side you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Stress before travel
I just got back from a short trip to New Jersey! I traveled with my family and stayed at my sisters house! While I was driving, I was thinking about the stress we as men who are on the road face before we even leave. For example, we may worry if we are prepared for the meeting we have to attend, or if the sales presentation is ready, if we are in the correct hotel we wanted, if our flight will be on time, etc, etc... Not to mention all the stress of leaving our families behind for a few days. But men who have a secret also worry about the phone call from our spouses/sig other asking the dreaded questions that will find us out. Is all the porn removed from the computer? will the cell phone bill come in while you are away? will a credit card bill arrive that she shouldn't see? All these add more stress to a trip. Stress that we don't need when we live a pure life.
Addiction is a wicked thing that can't be handled alone. Are you trying to be strong when you are alone but fail time after time? I was in the same boat, but my secret sin was discovered by my wife. I tried and tried to stop it on my own but was unable. Sound familiar?
Lets take this journey together. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
Addiction is a wicked thing that can't be handled alone. Are you trying to be strong when you are alone but fail time after time? I was in the same boat, but my secret sin was discovered by my wife. I tried and tried to stop it on my own but was unable. Sound familiar?
Lets take this journey together. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Reading This?
If you are reading this blog, then you are probably a man who travels. You may or may not have a secret sin of some sort, and maybe its not so secret of a sin. Maybe your wife/significant other knows about it and you are working on it together. Maybe you need help. Hopefully you are tired of living the double life.
If you are reading this, would you please post a comment?I opened comments up so you can post them anonymously...no names, no anything. just let me know what you are thinking or feeling. If you don't want to comment, you can send me an email....Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
If you are reading this, would you please post a comment?I opened comments up so you can post them anonymously...no names, no anything. just let me know what you are thinking or feeling. If you don't want to comment, you can send me an email....Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.
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