Be RESOLVED!

I was reading the Book of Daniel and thought I would share a little….

Daniel 1:8 -à But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine…

Let's change it a little (I think God won't mind!)-----> But Kevin (or your name) resolved not to defile himself with pornography (or whatever your secret traveling sin may be).

RESOLVED is a strong word, and if you were asked if you have strong resolve, you would most likely say yes. But when it comes to the secret sin, your resolve isn't what it should be. It's weak. Daniel resolved himself not to eat the rich food from the kings table, he resolved himself to not sell out his beliefs and culture. If you were taken as a slave by another culture, would you be strong enough to resist? Think in terms of being a slave to your secret activities. It's not pleasant. Pleasing God means obedience. Obedience means discipline. Discipline means hard work.

It is a daily battle. I know. Resist it and be obedient. RESOLVE yourself to not saying yes.

Don't let the lion steal your resolve.

Another Secret Sin...Found Out

Read the news this morning? Rick Pitino busted on his secret sin. This one is messy and really ties in well with my last post about dying while away.

Rick was being extorted for 10 million $$ by a woman he had sex with. Not just sex. sex in a restaurant, on a table, with his assistants close by. I know alot of you just thought to yourself "cool". But it's not cool.

The woman gets pregnant and Mr. Pitino gives her some cash, possibly for an abortion. Totally un-cool. Than the extortion for the cash. Again, not cool.

So Mr. Pitino potentially is throwing his career away. He DOES have an ethics and morality clause in his contract, you know.

Sexual Sin. Sexual Addiction. It is a growing problem and needs to be dealt with and fought.

Remember, Mr. Pitino got CAUGHT on this one, I wonder how many other women there are out there that have had relations with him.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Pitino has a heavy TRAVEL schedule. Alone on the road (or with his "assistants").

What if you died while on the road?

Does this scene look familiar? It is the remains of a car accident that killed 8 people. The driver of this SUV is accused of being drunk and high while driving. Her husband had a press conference and said his wife doesn't drink and doesn't smoke pot. A demolished bottle of vodka was found in the wreckage.

I know you are wondering what does this have to do with men who travel, pornography, and infidelity? A LOT! The question I pose to you is pretty simple…..if you were to die in your hotel room, what would your wife find out about you? Would the police find you knee deep in your sin and report this to your wife? Can you imagine her hearing the details and being in total denial, just like the husband of the driver of that SUV pictured above?

I know you think you are entitled to do what you do. You provide for the family, nobody knows you are hooked (and you plan on keeping it that way!), and who are you hurting anyway?

It is time to break free, my friend! You can be free of this addiction (or "problem", or whatever you want to call it). It takes a lot of hard work to be free, but it is awesome to live without that secret sin.

Think about what would happen if you died in your hotel room and what your family might find out. It could be something as simple as a bill for a movie, or your work laptop being returned and your employer asking some questions. Or is it magazines or chat lines? No matter what it is, it will be found out.

Freedom! It is in front of you if you want it.

Keeping it between the lines

I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.

When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.

Some examples of failed course corrections:

1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?

We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.

If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Can we be Free of Sin?

It's the age-old question! Can we really be free of temptation and sin? Yes, we can! But we can't do it alone! We set ourselves up for failure by isolating ourselves and not being open and honest in our relationships, even with our wives. We can't tell them we are tempted to do things we shouldn't. We can't tell them we looked longingly at a woman and had lust enter into us. We can't tell them we fell entitled and we deserve to have a release while we are on the road.

We need help.
We CAN fight this together.
We CAN stay pure and free from temptation and sin.
We CAN make the right choices when we travel.
We CAN honor our families with our decisions.

Let TMM come alongside you and help. You will be amazed at the power in 3 (You, Me, and Christ!) -- It is a bond that can't be broken!

email me -- Kevin@travelingmanministry.com It is never too late to do the right thing.

TMM: Hurt and Pain

There is so much hurt and pain among men and we love to just suppress it and bury it! It is time for us to face it and deal with it! It is ok to not be perfect!

It's Weak to Show Weakness!

Why, for a man, is it weak when we show weakness? I see it all the time with the guys I talk to. They are so slow to open up and get to the issues that are plaguing them. They try to hide it and dance around it, and deny it; but it is all a lie! And it is burning inside of them.

We must be strong we are told when we are young. Stop crying! Hide those emotions! Big boys are tough! It's definitely not cool to not be strong. All this is learned at a very early age.

Enter into our lives isolation and loneliness, especially when we travel. This opens the door for porn, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling, over-eating and a bunch of other things.

What happens when we stop trying to hide all the hurt and pain we have stored up inside us? It is 1,000% liberating! To be able to unload for awhile and let our guard down. Trust me, there is nothing else like it! Find someone you trust, someone you REALLY trust, and start building a relationship. Take it slowly, and allow God to be with you. Slowly open up as you feel confident in the safety of the relationship.

Lets finally stop thinking that it is weak to show weakness. Being vulnerable is a sign of weakness for men. Opening up and talking about feelings and hurts and our past is a sign of weakness for men, so we are told. But what is viewing porn?what is cheating on our wives? What is carrying around 30 or 40 years of disappointment?

I am happy to be considered weak and be free of pain and bondage.

Traveling Man: Breaking the Cycle of Despair

Ever hear of the cycle of despair? I had read about it years ago and didn't even realize i was living it. The cycle begins with an action, usually and typically the wrong action. It's when you do exactly what you don't want to do. It's watching the movie in the hotel room, it's having one more drink at the bar and flirting with a woman, it's firing your laptop up just to see what's going on, it's hitting the strip bar, it's whatever it is that you do that you try not to do. You know what I mean.

The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.

The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!

The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.

Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.

It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.

Traveling Man

The whole idea behind TMM is to help men stay pure, clean, sober, and protected while away from home. Not every man struggles when he travels, but every man is tempted in one way or another when on the road. It's sad but true, and it happens time and time again.

Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.

TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.

Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!

Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?

Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.

The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.

Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.

Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.

Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.

Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.