Crazy Love Week 4

Small group met again to discuss #crazylove, chapter 4 -- the profile of the lukewarm Christian. If you have read the book, you know how humbling this chapter was. The video discusses the concept of being lukewarm, and asks you to go through the scriptures listed in the chapter and pick out the one that spoke to you. There was great conversation throughout the night and one gentleman in the group freely admitted he was lukewarm. This followed with several other people admitting it also. Now let me tell you about this group. We are all parents of teenagers. So we are BUSY. All our kids are completely over committed with sports and school and extra stuff. And we all want to be so highly involved in our kids lives that we don't want to miss things they participate in.. so we coach them, and we watch them play golf, and tennis, and baseball, and volleyball, and softball, and basketball, and you get the idea I am sure. Most of us also have younger kids that have to follow along...so basically we are all exhausted ALL the time. Anyway..

So the scripture that spoke to me the most, and I spoke up during group and told everyone, was Luke 14:34-35. This passage talks about salt losing it's saltiness and not even being good enough for the manure pile. Pretty depressing...I am so lukewarm that I am not even good enough to be tossed into the manure pile... powerful stuff...

Through the course of the evening, I commit myself to do better. I WILL get up and read my Bible, I WILL be extra nice to my wife, I WILL follow up and talk to my small group members just to say hello, I WILL be the leader of my family...well, let me just say thank God for GRACE! Not the church, but the actual grace that draws us closer to Him. the kind that allows me to be lukewarm for a little while, maybe through this season of life, The grace that helps me understand that my primary ministry is to be a father to 4 sons, a husband to one wife, and a child of one heavenly Father.

Crazy Love

The small group I belong to started a new study tonight called "Crazy "Love" by Francis Chan. This study seems promising to push us into a deeper relationship with the Lord. Chapter 1 was pretty foundational, discussing the attributes of God our Father. Good Stuff though. Chan seems so authentic, and one person in the group said she thought he was the real deal -- I would agree. I heard he walked away from pastoring his church because he was hearing his name mentioned more than Jesus' name. How many people walk away from a good gig like that -- not many that I have heard of. And of course he gets criticized for it... but I digress as always..

The point is that I am excited to be studying something! I am thinking we will tackle "Radical" after we finish crazy love..

So tonight's post has nothing to do with traveling men, sexual sin, or anything like that -- just a quick little post to share my excitement about small group!

Sexual Sin

Sitting in a lonely hotel room, or maybe just alone at home...does it really make a difference? The temptations for sexual sin are like the temptations for an alcoholic to have a drink, or the drug addict to get a fix. The temptations for sexual sin start off simple enough, as the master of sin knows how to draw us in...the TV commercials are so risque that they can be considered a gateway drug. Once we allow ourselves to be drawn in, the rest is easy. How often have I ignored the Holy Spirit speak to me, whisper in my ear, cause a tingle on the back of my neck as I went down the path of sin. The warning signs are always there, but do I choose to see them? Do I choose to listen to the Spirit? Do I choose to call my Silas? (a Samson Society thing.. check out Samson Society if you are not familiar).

As I master my habits and gateways, I can understand how I am feeling and why I want to act out/have a release. How long can a person stay busy to keep their mind free of clutter and temptation? I hear it so often from so many guys.."I just want to be free". If only it was that easy. How many have prayed for God to free you of a sexual sin/sexual addiction? Almost everyone that reads this blog.

I am here to help while you are on the road to recovery, while you sit alone in a hotel room. Contact me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com or leave a comment to this post.

Be RESOLVED!

I was reading the Book of Daniel and thought I would share a little….

Daniel 1:8 -à But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine…

Let's change it a little (I think God won't mind!)-----> But Kevin (or your name) resolved not to defile himself with pornography (or whatever your secret traveling sin may be).

RESOLVED is a strong word, and if you were asked if you have strong resolve, you would most likely say yes. But when it comes to the secret sin, your resolve isn't what it should be. It's weak. Daniel resolved himself not to eat the rich food from the kings table, he resolved himself to not sell out his beliefs and culture. If you were taken as a slave by another culture, would you be strong enough to resist? Think in terms of being a slave to your secret activities. It's not pleasant. Pleasing God means obedience. Obedience means discipline. Discipline means hard work.

It is a daily battle. I know. Resist it and be obedient. RESOLVE yourself to not saying yes.

Don't let the lion steal your resolve.

Another Secret Sin...Found Out

Read the news this morning? Rick Pitino busted on his secret sin. This one is messy and really ties in well with my last post about dying while away.

Rick was being extorted for 10 million $$ by a woman he had sex with. Not just sex. sex in a restaurant, on a table, with his assistants close by. I know alot of you just thought to yourself "cool". But it's not cool.

The woman gets pregnant and Mr. Pitino gives her some cash, possibly for an abortion. Totally un-cool. Than the extortion for the cash. Again, not cool.

So Mr. Pitino potentially is throwing his career away. He DOES have an ethics and morality clause in his contract, you know.

Sexual Sin. Sexual Addiction. It is a growing problem and needs to be dealt with and fought.

Remember, Mr. Pitino got CAUGHT on this one, I wonder how many other women there are out there that have had relations with him.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Pitino has a heavy TRAVEL schedule. Alone on the road (or with his "assistants").

What if you died while on the road?

Does this scene look familiar? It is the remains of a car accident that killed 8 people. The driver of this SUV is accused of being drunk and high while driving. Her husband had a press conference and said his wife doesn't drink and doesn't smoke pot. A demolished bottle of vodka was found in the wreckage.

I know you are wondering what does this have to do with men who travel, pornography, and infidelity? A LOT! The question I pose to you is pretty simple…..if you were to die in your hotel room, what would your wife find out about you? Would the police find you knee deep in your sin and report this to your wife? Can you imagine her hearing the details and being in total denial, just like the husband of the driver of that SUV pictured above?

I know you think you are entitled to do what you do. You provide for the family, nobody knows you are hooked (and you plan on keeping it that way!), and who are you hurting anyway?

It is time to break free, my friend! You can be free of this addiction (or "problem", or whatever you want to call it). It takes a lot of hard work to be free, but it is awesome to live without that secret sin.

Think about what would happen if you died in your hotel room and what your family might find out. It could be something as simple as a bill for a movie, or your work laptop being returned and your employer asking some questions. Or is it magazines or chat lines? No matter what it is, it will be found out.

Freedom! It is in front of you if you want it.

Keeping it between the lines

I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.

When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.

Some examples of failed course corrections:

1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?

We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.

If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Can we be Free of Sin?

It's the age-old question! Can we really be free of temptation and sin? Yes, we can! But we can't do it alone! We set ourselves up for failure by isolating ourselves and not being open and honest in our relationships, even with our wives. We can't tell them we are tempted to do things we shouldn't. We can't tell them we looked longingly at a woman and had lust enter into us. We can't tell them we fell entitled and we deserve to have a release while we are on the road.

We need help.
We CAN fight this together.
We CAN stay pure and free from temptation and sin.
We CAN make the right choices when we travel.
We CAN honor our families with our decisions.

Let TMM come alongside you and help. You will be amazed at the power in 3 (You, Me, and Christ!) -- It is a bond that can't be broken!

email me -- Kevin@travelingmanministry.com It is never too late to do the right thing.

TMM: Hurt and Pain

There is so much hurt and pain among men and we love to just suppress it and bury it! It is time for us to face it and deal with it! It is ok to not be perfect!

It's Weak to Show Weakness!

Why, for a man, is it weak when we show weakness? I see it all the time with the guys I talk to. They are so slow to open up and get to the issues that are plaguing them. They try to hide it and dance around it, and deny it; but it is all a lie! And it is burning inside of them.

We must be strong we are told when we are young. Stop crying! Hide those emotions! Big boys are tough! It's definitely not cool to not be strong. All this is learned at a very early age.

Enter into our lives isolation and loneliness, especially when we travel. This opens the door for porn, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling, over-eating and a bunch of other things.

What happens when we stop trying to hide all the hurt and pain we have stored up inside us? It is 1,000% liberating! To be able to unload for awhile and let our guard down. Trust me, there is nothing else like it! Find someone you trust, someone you REALLY trust, and start building a relationship. Take it slowly, and allow God to be with you. Slowly open up as you feel confident in the safety of the relationship.

Lets finally stop thinking that it is weak to show weakness. Being vulnerable is a sign of weakness for men. Opening up and talking about feelings and hurts and our past is a sign of weakness for men, so we are told. But what is viewing porn?what is cheating on our wives? What is carrying around 30 or 40 years of disappointment?

I am happy to be considered weak and be free of pain and bondage.

Traveling Man: Breaking the Cycle of Despair

Ever hear of the cycle of despair? I had read about it years ago and didn't even realize i was living it. The cycle begins with an action, usually and typically the wrong action. It's when you do exactly what you don't want to do. It's watching the movie in the hotel room, it's having one more drink at the bar and flirting with a woman, it's firing your laptop up just to see what's going on, it's hitting the strip bar, it's whatever it is that you do that you try not to do. You know what I mean.

The action gets "green-lighted" by you and you do it. After it's complete and all done, you kick yourself for doing it. You realize you made a mistake but you could not stop yourself. This creates shame, guilt, and remorse.

The cycle ends with promises to yourself to never act out again. You had the release you were after and now life is back under control. These promises sometimes include a crying out to God to take this problem from you. And then life goes on... your back to normal control and all is well!

The problem with the Cycle of Despair that we so often live in is that it does not include help or confession or growth. We have not changed anything in our life to think that we will be able to exhibit self-control in the future. Sure, we can install software on our computers that will help prevent porn from being accessible. Sure, we can call the front desk to have them block the porn movies on the TV. These are protections and smart things to do, but they don't change the behaviors or get to the root cause of the problem.

Every day that we travel and stay pure is a victory. We know how hard it is, how lonely it is, how Satan and our need for attention and affirmation work together to get us to act out.

It's hard, and I understand. Allow TMM to come alongside you and support you. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com. It's time for purity and God-honoring behaviors when we travel.

Traveling Man

The whole idea behind TMM is to help men stay pure, clean, sober, and protected while away from home. Not every man struggles when he travels, but every man is tempted in one way or another when on the road. It's sad but true, and it happens time and time again.

Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.

TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.

Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!

Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?

Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.

The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.

Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.

Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.

Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.

Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.

All is Well!

Oh, how many times have I heard that line! We are so so far from admitting problems or weaknesses or temptations! Did you know that 50% of men have a problem with pornography. Ask 10 guys, and all 10 will say "nope, never look at it"! It's really quite funny.

50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!

I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!

Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Those Interstate Signs!

Ever notice how the signs along the interstates seem to start advertising XXX shops about 50 miles before you get to them? And not just XXX shops, same thing applies for massage parlors, strip clubs, and other places that require time to roll around in our heads before we say "yes". Here is how it all works (in my opinion!):

We see the billboards advertising the place. It says XXX at exit whatever, but its always 50 miles away or more. This is what I call the seed. This little seed gets planted in our heads just by glancing at the billboard. Somehow the exit number gets burned into our minds.

Next, the seed gets some water from Satan. He lets it roll around in our heads, helping us justify the stop. Nobody will know. You deserve it. It's just a little porn shop - no big deal. It's better than cheating on your wife. And on and on.... sound a little familiar?

Another billboard, this one maybe 5 miles out. This is when you give yourself the "green light" to stop and go in.

And than it's done. Once you give yourself the grren light to act out, nothing will stop you.

The key to stopping the cycle is to stop the seed from getting planted. Once you see the billboard, PRAY! Pray to get that seed of temptation out of your brain. Get help however you can! Call someone - an accountability partner, your wife, whomever. But just making the call isn't enough - you have to tell them what's going on. Thats the way it works.

As always, I offer you the opportunity to post a comment anonomously. Or you can email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

When do the seeds get planted?

When do the seeds of temptation get planted for you? Is it when you see something that makes you think about your sin (addiction)? Is it when you hear something that reminds you? When you check into the hotel? When you are driving from the airport? The key is to recognize those seeds and not allow them to take hold. Prayer is a good way to squash them, another is to call someone! I know you will never have a conversation with your spouse advising her that you are being tempted to view porn, or to go to the bar and have a few drinks and see "whats going on down there". But will you call someone that understands what you are saying/feeling and does not judge?
You don't need an accountability partner....how many of them have you had that you ended up just lying to after the first few conversations. How about an integrity partner? One with no ties to you or your spouse that can help you one day at a time? It sounds interesting. TMM does that. We help people that want help and understand you can't do it alone.
How's it going? How do you respond when Satan starts tossing those seeds at you and waits for one to take root? Are you equipped to stay pure and honor your marriage with your actions?
Contact me if you want. Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

The devil made me do it

We have all heard that expression..the devil made me do it. itls like he is sitting there on our shoulders whispering in our ears. And we listen to his little lies. We allow those little seeds get planted in our minds. We are not prepared or equipped to deal with him. We justify our actions and thoughts, thinking all men have these.

I attended a Samson society meeting tonight (samsonsociety.org). My heart breaks when I hear the men talking about their situations, their demons, and how they want to be free. I belong there. I fit right in. I have my story and my demons, and I have been bitten hard by my sins, and I am still paying the price daily for listening to the deceiver.

When you hear someone say that the devil made them do it, its ok to laugh. The devil doen't make us do anything! He just plants the thought and leaves it to us.

Its lonely on the road. Its boring. WE can feel neglected. So we try to ease our pain with some porn (just a little!), some booze and some flirting (but not too much!), or whatever we like to do when away. We all have something. what's yours?

How do you respond when those little seeds fall into your mind? Will you allow me to come along side you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com

Stress before travel

I just got back from a short trip to New Jersey! I traveled with my family and stayed at my sisters house! While I was driving, I was thinking about the stress we as men who are on the road face before we even leave. For example, we may worry if we are prepared for the meeting we have to attend, or if the sales presentation is ready, if we are in the correct hotel we wanted, if our flight will be on time, etc, etc... Not to mention all the stress of leaving our families behind for a few days. But men who have a secret also worry about the phone call from our spouses/sig other asking the dreaded questions that will find us out. Is all the porn removed from the computer? will the cell phone bill come in while you are away? will a credit card bill arrive that she shouldn't see? All these add more stress to a trip. Stress that we don't need when we live a pure life.
Addiction is a wicked thing that can't be handled alone. Are you trying to be strong when you are alone but fail time after time? I was in the same boat, but my secret sin was discovered by my wife. I tried and tried to stop it on my own but was unable. Sound familiar?
Lets take this journey together. email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

More Despair

I was on the website connectingmatters.com, a Nashville TN counselors website and saw this...its pretty cool.... read the word below and say out loud what you see....

GODISNOWHERE

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So....what do you see? What did you say out loud? I bet you said "God is No Where". That's despair and being isolated. I prefer to see "God is Now Here". That's hope and love of our Father.

Despair

As I work with more and more men that travel and want to stay pure I am learning the despair they have. Some are starting to realize that they can not beat Satan alone. We need that 2nd person and we need Christ to successfully defend ourselves. Are you tired of being held in bondage of porn or infidelity or alcohol? Do you wish you could just tell someone that might actually understand and not judge you? I am available to help. Let's go into battle together.
email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com.