I am using a driving metaphor when I say "keeping it between the lines".When we drive a car, we are constantly making little corrections to our speed and direction to keep the vehicle between the lines on the road. Those little course corrections keep us going in the direction we want to be going at a safe pace.
When we travel, we forget to make those little course corrections. After all, we REALLY don't have accountability when we are on the road. So a few failed course corrections can have some serious implications.
Some examples of failed course corrections:
1. An extra drink at the bar with the guys. Normally you wouldn't do that, but since you are on the road, nobody will care...right?
2. A friendly smile to a girl in the bar (or in the elevator or wherever). Again, this is not the norm, but you are just being nice and friendly....right?
3. Checking out the titles of the adult movies on the hotel TV. Would you do that if your wife was sitting on the bed next to you?
4. Firing up the laptop "to check on a few things". How often does that lead you to a website that you told yourself you were not going to go to? Alot, I bet.
5. Ordering a huge meal (and eating it all)when you are trying to lose weight. Is it just a way to fill the loneliness?
6. A physical touch (innocent, of course) with a female in the office/location you are visiting while away from home. Your a long way from home and nobody will ever know...right?
7. Lying to your wife about where you have been and what you have done....she wouldn't understand the truth anyway, would she?
We as men screw up. We are good at messing up. It seems to just come naturally. It is especially easy to mess up when we are away from home and alone. Add to this the fact that we as men really don't have deep friendships with other men that can help us through temptation.
If this sounds familiar to you and you really want help in making small course corrections, send me an email...info@travelingmanministry.com
Showing posts with label porn addiction for men who travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label porn addiction for men who travel. Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
100 miles from home
What is your magic "miles from home" number? Are you a local traveler that acts out in your sin closer than 100 miles? Mine was 100 miles. Nobody around, no risk of running into someone I would know. It was freedom, in it's own way. Looking back, it was pure insanity. So how far do you travel before you feel that freedom?
Family men who travel to make a living, to support our families -- we are in trouble. With porn addiction rates running over 50% in regular households, we all know it is over 80% in households of men who include regualr traveling in their job description. Maybe your secret sin is not porn -- maybe it is the actual act of infidelity, strip bars, alcohol, drugs, gambling... No matter what it is, it is still a secret and still a sin. And when it stays hidden in the darkness, that becomes Satan's playground.
So next time you are X # of miles from home and feeling that freedom, that pull to the darkness, remember you don't have to do it. You can resist. It is possible to win this fight -- one day (night) at a time.
Family men who travel to make a living, to support our families -- we are in trouble. With porn addiction rates running over 50% in regular households, we all know it is over 80% in households of men who include regualr traveling in their job description. Maybe your secret sin is not porn -- maybe it is the actual act of infidelity, strip bars, alcohol, drugs, gambling... No matter what it is, it is still a secret and still a sin. And when it stays hidden in the darkness, that becomes Satan's playground.
So next time you are X # of miles from home and feeling that freedom, that pull to the darkness, remember you don't have to do it. You can resist. It is possible to win this fight -- one day (night) at a time.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Sexual Sin
Sitting in a lonely hotel room, or maybe just alone at home...does it really make a difference? The temptations for sexual sin are like the temptations for an alcoholic to have a drink, or the drug addict to get a fix. The temptations for sexual sin start off simple enough, as the master of sin knows how to draw us in...the TV commercials are so risque that they can be considered a gateway drug. Once we allow ourselves to be drawn in, the rest is easy. How often have I ignored the Holy Spirit speak to me, whisper in my ear, cause a tingle on the back of my neck as I went down the path of sin. The warning signs are always there, but do I choose to see them? Do I choose to listen to the Spirit? Do I choose to call my Silas? (a Samson Society thing.. check out Samson Society if you are not familiar).
As I master my habits and gateways, I can understand how I am feeling and why I want to act out/have a release. How long can a person stay busy to keep their mind free of clutter and temptation? I hear it so often from so many guys.."I just want to be free". If only it was that easy. How many have prayed for God to free you of a sexual sin/sexual addiction? Almost everyone that reads this blog.
I am here to help while you are on the road to recovery, while you sit alone in a hotel room. Contact me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com or leave a comment to this post.
As I master my habits and gateways, I can understand how I am feeling and why I want to act out/have a release. How long can a person stay busy to keep their mind free of clutter and temptation? I hear it so often from so many guys.."I just want to be free". If only it was that easy. How many have prayed for God to free you of a sexual sin/sexual addiction? Almost everyone that reads this blog.
I am here to help while you are on the road to recovery, while you sit alone in a hotel room. Contact me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com or leave a comment to this post.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Are you a SEX ADDICT? Take the quiz!
Be 100% honest! You ARE just hanging around in a hotel room...alone, I hope!
Men's Sexual Screening Addiction Test
By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The screening test below is designed to help you self-identify a potential sexual addiction problem. It offers an overview of concerns frequently presented by both men and women seeking help for problem sexual behavior.
Instructions
Answer each question by placing a check in the appropriate yes/no column. Questions with an asterisk* are not related to sexual orientation. Answering yes to more than 3 questions may indicate a sexual addiction problem, which should be openly discussed with a trained sexual addiction specialist.
Questions
Do you believe you have a sexual problem? *
Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?
Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?
Has paying for sex ever challenged your finances?
Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?
Do you have trouble stopping any aspects of your sexual behavior even though it may go against your values and beliefs or even cause you harm? *
Is your involvement with pornography, phone sex, online sexual interactions, etc. greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?
Do you keep the extent and/or nature of your sexual behavior a secret from your intimate friends and/or partners?
Are you eager for events with friends or family to be over so that you can leave to have sexual adventures?
Do you regularly go to strip clubs, sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or adult bookstores?
Do you believe that pornography and anonymous or casual sex have kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?
Do you have trouble maintaining sexual interest or intimacy once the "newness" of the person has worn off?
Do your sexual encounters ever put you in danger of arrest (e.g. seeing prostitutes, sensual massage, having sex in a public place)?
Do you have unprotected sex with prostitutes and/or anonymous partners (please consider unprotected as: oral, anal and vaginal experiences without protection)?
Has your sexual behavior ever caused physical or emotional harm to others (Examples include: lying to a spouse, breaking your commitments, giving people diseases, etc.)?
Have you ever been approached, charged and/or arrested by police or other security personnel as a consequence of your sexual behavior choices?
As an adult, have you ever been sexual with someone under the age of 18?
After you have sex, do you sometimes feel depressed afterward or become angry with yourself about what you have done? *
Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual behavior only to break those promises later? *
Has your sexual behavior ever interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life? *
If questioned, do you lie to those close to you about your sexual behavior? *
Do you routinely pay for sex (examples: have ësensual massagesí, see prostitutes)?
Have you ever had sex with someone just because the situation aroused you, yet later felt shame or regret for doing so? *
Do you regularly cruise, public restrooms, parks, and/or red-light districts seeking anonymous sexual encounters?
Men's Sexual Screening Addiction Test
By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT
The screening test below is designed to help you self-identify a potential sexual addiction problem. It offers an overview of concerns frequently presented by both men and women seeking help for problem sexual behavior.
Instructions
Answer each question by placing a check in the appropriate yes/no column. Questions with an asterisk* are not related to sexual orientation. Answering yes to more than 3 questions may indicate a sexual addiction problem, which should be openly discussed with a trained sexual addiction specialist.
Questions
Do you believe you have a sexual problem? *
Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?
Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?
Has paying for sex ever challenged your finances?
Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?
Do you have trouble stopping any aspects of your sexual behavior even though it may go against your values and beliefs or even cause you harm? *
Is your involvement with pornography, phone sex, online sexual interactions, etc. greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?
Do you keep the extent and/or nature of your sexual behavior a secret from your intimate friends and/or partners?
Are you eager for events with friends or family to be over so that you can leave to have sexual adventures?
Do you regularly go to strip clubs, sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or adult bookstores?
Do you believe that pornography and anonymous or casual sex have kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?
Do you have trouble maintaining sexual interest or intimacy once the "newness" of the person has worn off?
Do your sexual encounters ever put you in danger of arrest (e.g. seeing prostitutes, sensual massage, having sex in a public place)?
Do you have unprotected sex with prostitutes and/or anonymous partners (please consider unprotected as: oral, anal and vaginal experiences without protection)?
Has your sexual behavior ever caused physical or emotional harm to others (Examples include: lying to a spouse, breaking your commitments, giving people diseases, etc.)?
Have you ever been approached, charged and/or arrested by police or other security personnel as a consequence of your sexual behavior choices?
As an adult, have you ever been sexual with someone under the age of 18?
After you have sex, do you sometimes feel depressed afterward or become angry with yourself about what you have done? *
Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual behavior only to break those promises later? *
Has your sexual behavior ever interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life? *
If questioned, do you lie to those close to you about your sexual behavior? *
Do you routinely pay for sex (examples: have ësensual massagesí, see prostitutes)?
Have you ever had sex with someone just because the situation aroused you, yet later felt shame or regret for doing so? *
Do you regularly cruise, public restrooms, parks, and/or red-light districts seeking anonymous sexual encounters?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
What if you died while on the road?
Does this scene look familiar? It is the remains of a car accident that killed 8 people. The driver of this SUV is accused of being drunk and high while driving. Her husband had a press conference and said his wife doesn't drink and doesn't smoke pot. A demolished bottle of vodka was found in the wreckage.
I know you are wondering what does this have to do with men who travel, pornography, and infidelity? A LOT! The question I pose to you is pretty simple…..if you were to die in your hotel room, what would your wife find out about you? Would the police find you knee deep in your sin and report this to your wife? Can you imagine her hearing the details and being in total denial, just like the husband of the driver of that SUV pictured above?
I know you think you are entitled to do what you do. You provide for the family, nobody knows you are hooked (and you plan on keeping it that way!), and who are you hurting anyway?
It is time to break free, my friend! You can be free of this addiction (or "problem", or whatever you want to call it). It takes a lot of hard work to be free, but it is awesome to live without that secret sin.
Think about what would happen if you died in your hotel room and what your family might find out. It could be something as simple as a bill for a movie, or your work laptop being returned and your employer asking some questions. Or is it magazines or chat lines? No matter what it is, it will be found out.
Freedom! It is in front of you if you want it.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Traveling Man
The whole idea behind TMM is to help men stay pure, clean, sober, and protected while away from home. Not every man struggles when he travels, but every man is tempted in one way or another when on the road. It's sad but true, and it happens time and time again.
Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.
TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.
Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!
Very few men confide in their wives about the true temptations while away. In fact, the typical guy has nobody to share this with, which means no help is sought. And when there is someone that can help, very rarely is the full story told... it's usually masked with the word "struggling", or something to indicate its under control.
TMM is here to help. Whether you have a sexual addiction, a "little porn problem", a full blown traveling affair, over indulgence in food or alcohol, or most importantly just want an added layer of protection from temptation.
Email kevin@travelingmanministry.com. Trust me, I have heard or done it all. nothing will surprise me and there is no judging going on. Just listening, prayer, support, and help!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Is an Emotional Affair Considered Cheating?
Dr. Robi Ludwig was on The Today Show today talking about emotional affairs. It was a good piece and she was crystal clear in her answer. Yes, emotional affairs are cheating. Emotional Affairs make you hide something from your wife, and they force you to withdraw from your wife. You don't have enough emotional stamina to keep up with 2 women for very long. The emotional connection with your wife WILL suffer and she will notice. You will argue more and more and you will wish you were with the other woman. Your mind will create a new, better life with the other woman.
The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.
Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.
Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.
Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.
Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.
The Today Show piece also talked about how much trouble we men get into at work. Meetings, emails, innocent flirting and the next thing we know we have things in common. Then we have lunch together, and then it takes off from there.
Smart men avoid this all together. They don't begin any sort of relationship with women in the workplace. However, we're not very smart, are we? We think we can handle it. We want to be wanted. We want to be affirmed and accepted. We crave attention. And down that road we go.
Add traveling and being alone in a hotel room. Oh, the trouble we can engage in! And what if that woman we have been innocently flirting with happens to be on the same business trip and staying in the same hotel? It's a short step from an emotional affair to a physical affair.
Emotional affairs are dangerous! I know, I had one.
Will you allow me to come alongside you and help? email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com safe and confidential.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
All is Well!
Oh, how many times have I heard that line! We are so so far from admitting problems or weaknesses or temptations! Did you know that 50% of men have a problem with pornography. Ask 10 guys, and all 10 will say "nope, never look at it"! It's really quite funny.
50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!
I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!
Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
50% porn problem for all men. It's even higher for men who travel. Infidelity is higher among men who travel. Divorce is higher among men who travel. Alcoholism is higher among men who travel. BUT we do make more $$ than men who don't travel. that makes it all worth it!
I know how impossible it is to talk about things to friends and spouses. We just internalize it all. But the pressures and temptations are very very real!
Need someone to talk to or walk with you for awhile? Email me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com
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