Double life

Another example of #doublelife hit the news recently. The governor of California has revealed he has a 10 year old secret child. Here is a man that gave the appearance of a faithful man. There were some indications of problems earlier when he was accused of groping women while he was acting in films.

A secret life of a man who is on the go, on the road, and been married for 20+ years does not surprise me. Men who travel sometimes operate under a 2nd set of rules that only apply when away from home. There is an extremely high level of porn addiction, gambling problems, alcohol
Abuse, and infidelity. Men who lead a sinful life while away can come home and integrate back into their families for the few days they are home, always anticipating the next trip away.

So the governor's secret affair and secret child comes as no surprise. I do believe this marriage can be saved, as I do believe that with 90% of marriage issues. The question is (as it usually is) are they willing to do the work that many have opted not to do. Are they willing to allow Christ to heal and restore?

What are your thoughts on the issues that traveling men face?

Sexual Sin

Sitting in a lonely hotel room, or maybe just alone at home...does it really make a difference? The temptations for sexual sin are like the temptations for an alcoholic to have a drink, or the drug addict to get a fix. The temptations for sexual sin start off simple enough, as the master of sin knows how to draw us in...the TV commercials are so risque that they can be considered a gateway drug. Once we allow ourselves to be drawn in, the rest is easy. How often have I ignored the Holy Spirit speak to me, whisper in my ear, cause a tingle on the back of my neck as I went down the path of sin. The warning signs are always there, but do I choose to see them? Do I choose to listen to the Spirit? Do I choose to call my Silas? (a Samson Society thing.. check out Samson Society if you are not familiar).

As I master my habits and gateways, I can understand how I am feeling and why I want to act out/have a release. How long can a person stay busy to keep their mind free of clutter and temptation? I hear it so often from so many guys.."I just want to be free". If only it was that easy. How many have prayed for God to free you of a sexual sin/sexual addiction? Almost everyone that reads this blog.

I am here to help while you are on the road to recovery, while you sit alone in a hotel room. Contact me at kevin@travelingmanministry.com or leave a comment to this post.

Are you a cyber-sex addict? take the test! Be honest!

Cybersex Addiction Screening Test


By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT



The Cybersex Addiction Screening Test is designed to assist the assessment of sexually compulsive or "addictive" behavior. The test provides a profile of responses which help to identify men and women with sexually addictive disorders.

3 or more "yes" answers indicate there might be a problem.


Do you spend increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement?

Are you involved in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS?

Do you not consider online sexual or romantic "affairs" to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments?

Have you failed in attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction?

Does online use interfere with work (tired or late due to previous night's use, online while at work etc.)?

Does online use interfere with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners)?

Are you intensely engaged in collecting Internet pornography?

Do you engage in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation)?

Has your social or family interactive time decreased due to online fantasy involvement?

Are you secretive, or do you lie about the amount of time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online?

Do you engage with sexual or romantic partners met online, while being involved in marital or other primary relationship?

Are there increasing numbers of complaints or concerns from family or friends about the amount of time spent online?

Do you frequently become angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends?

Has the primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use)?

When do the seeds get planted?

When do the seeds of temptation get planted for you? Is it when you see something that makes you think about your sin (addiction)? Is it when you hear something that reminds you? When you check into the hotel? When you are driving from the airport? The key is to recognize those seeds and not allow them to take hold. Prayer is a good way to squash them, another is to call someone! I know you will never have a conversation with your spouse advising her that you are being tempted to view porn, or to go to the bar and have a few drinks and see "whats going on down there". But will you call someone that understands what you are saying/feeling and does not judge?
You don't need an accountability partner....how many of them have you had that you ended up just lying to after the first few conversations. How about an integrity partner? One with no ties to you or your spouse that can help you one day at a time? It sounds interesting. TMM does that. We help people that want help and understand you can't do it alone.
How's it going? How do you respond when Satan starts tossing those seeds at you and waits for one to take root? Are you equipped to stay pure and honor your marriage with your actions?
Contact me if you want. Kevin@travelingmanministry.com.

Marriage Conference – part 2

I wrote on Friday about day 1 of a marriage conference my wife and I attended, about Eph 6 and the belt of truth. The next day the speakers went through the rest of the armor of God and how it applies to us and how we can use to strengthen (or save) our marriages. It was an excellent conference with a funny, fresh approach to the armor of God. After the conference, my wife simply said, "I thought we were doing all that and it still didn't work". Ouch! Not good. As you can tell, I led a double life while I was on the road, and many, many men that I knew did too. Did you know that 50% of hotel rooms on any given night have porn showing on the hotel TV? I wonder how many of those are of Christian men who want to break out of the bondage of their addiction and sin.

Traveling Man

Men – I know firsthand how lonely the road is! I traveled weekly for 8 years – I know all about the temptations that hit you while away. Satan never leaves you alone and you cannot defeat him alone! I attended the first part of a marriage conference tonight and the speakers were talking about the belt of truth (Eph 6). We as traveling men have a very hard time telling the FULL truth to anyone. How many times do you call home, chat for awhile, hang up and then go out? Or look at porn? Or invite a woman into your room? It happens all the time…and our spouses have no clue. There is freedom from the lies and "acting out" – but it is impossible to do alone!